SCHOTZY ONLY THINKS SHE IS FUNNY

Header's pretty good this time. Click it and smile.

OK, so one of our cats is a comedienne.

She just needs to remember who has the opposable thumbs here.

And who gets those cans of food she loves.

HO, HO, HO

Don't forget to click the header. Hehehehe. It's Rodney Dangerfield introducing a then new comic.

New Definitions To Learn

• TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns redwhen your car approaches.
• PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen,and the majority have no idea what's happened.
• SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut.
• SALESMAN -- man with ability to convince wife she'd lookfat in mink.
• EGOCENTRIC -- a person who believes he is everything youknow you are.
• FOREIGN FILM -- any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn't a western.
• OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.
• BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself."
• TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

Here's a shocker: http://hubpages.com/hub/Funny-Pictures-Animals-at-Large

Linda and Mary were up in the far north woods, out looking for a Christmas tree. They were all bundled up from head to toe, carrying their hatchets and a coil of rope to tie on and drag it back.

They had thought of everything. They were all set, but they couldn't find the right tree.

They searched for hours, slogging through knee-deep snow. The wind was blowing and the wolves were howling, but they persevered. Had to get that Christmas tree.

Finally, as the sun was beginning to head downward, one turned to theother and said, "That's it! I've had enough! The next tree we come to, we're going to cut it down, whether it's got lights on it or not!"

A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears.

"Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grandmother's meat loaf for dinner tonight, and it's just awful! I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right because it's the one you gave me. But it just didn't come out right, and I'm so upset. I wanted this to be so special for George because he loves meat loaf. What could have gone wrong?"

Her mother replied soothingly, "Well, dear, let's go through the recipe. You read it out loud and tell me exactly what you did at each step, and together we'll figure it out."

"OK," the bride sniffled. Well, it starts out, " Take fifty cents worth of ground beef . . . "

Bizarre December Holidays

• December 21 is
• Look At The Bright Side Day,
• National Flashlight Day,
• National French Fried Shrimp Day,
• Hamburger Day
• December 22 is National Date-Nut Bread Day
• December 23 is Roots Day
• December 24 is National Egg Nog Day
• December 25 is National Pumpkin Pie Day
• December 26 is National Whiners Day
• December 27 is National Fruitcake Day
• December 28 is Card Playing Day and National Chocolate Day
• December 29 is Pepper Pot Day
• December 30 is Festival Of Enormous Changes At The Last Minute and National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day
• December 31 is Unlucky Day

I'm a fan of December 24....

PEARL HARBOR FOR THE YOUNG

Remember to click the header.

A lot of the sailors were still in their bunks, sleeping off their Saturday night in downtown Honolulu.

Others were getting ready for church services. Still more were finishing the Sunday breakfast that was always good food on the battleships.

Navy life was worthwhile. You got to sail all over the world while landlubbers in foreign, exotic ports admired your great battleships, your sparkling clean uniform and your athletic fitness. And you were convinced you were part of the greatest naval fleet ever to sail the oceans of the world. No other navy could compete with yours. Life was good.

The first wave of Japanese bombers and fighters struck shortly after 8 a.m. They, and the following flights, would do massive damage to the U.S. Pacific Fleet. They would kill more than 2,400 servicemen and civilians.

The President of the United States would ask Congress for a declaration of war the next day. Patriotic civilians lined up at recruiting offices for all military branches, each man hoping he would pass the physical exam. As I understand it, there has never been, before nor after, a surge of volunteering as huge as this. Americans were showing their patriotism. And that, kiddies, is why Americans won the Second World War.

I held this post back until now, because I wanted to see how our once great nation would recognize today. A few sentences on a news net work (apologizing for Japan's sneak attack) then no more. Channels such as TCM, History, CSPAN2, A&E, AMC all seemed to ignore today. And it happened to fall on a Sunday. The only movies or factoid shows on any of these stations concerned Nazi Germany and did not even mention Japan's vicious part in that war.

It took a while for me to understand why. For some reason (and I despise why I am thinking this) Our President Elect chose today, Sunday, December 7, to reveal his appointment of a Japanese American (born in Hawaii) as Veterans Affairs Secretary.

So? Well, retired general Eric K. Shinseki is the Japanese American.

So? This is nothing but a calculated slap in the face to all the veterans, living and dead, who defended this country from the Japanese in WW II.

I am quite sure that Mr. Shinseki is a total American and proud of it. This is not about him. It is, rather, a tirade against Mr. Obama whose lack of thinking betrays his shallowness and ability to fly in the face of respect and tradition.

He does not even recognize the men and women we can for our being able to speak and read and write English as our native tongue. (No thanks to the Mexican government, though. They refused to join the Allied Forces and sat back and got rich from war goods trading.)

Mr. Barack Obama, what were you thinking? Shame on you.

Lordy, what a start to a new order.

A DIABOLICAL CONSPIRACY

I'm sorta sure you'll be receptive to the video hidden under the header. Give it a click. For a starter on my conspiracy (Capital C?) theory, please let me point out something: If you're a bear, you get to hibernate.You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. If you're a female bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too. I could deal with that. If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat...I wanna be a bear. Now for the balance of my CT. No, that doesn't mean Connecticut. Means Conspiracy Theory. Ahem. Sure, liberals all want the "assault-rifle" ban instituted. However, those with knowledge of past governmental actions understand that that kind of ban grows slowly over the years until it becomes all encompassing, all powerful and all in control of us. Unless we act, the second Amendment will be lost behind court cases forever. One small example of growth beyond reason is that of the Feds making a "humanitarian" appeal to supply the poor children with a half pint of milk in the 1950's. Who could say no to such a small human kindness, especially since the U.S. over produced so much milk it had to be dumped down sewers to get rid of it? (I come from Wisconsin. I saw it.) Well, in any case, fellow taxpayer and electee and citizen, from that 1/2 pint of milk, see who now controls our schools. See who is now responsible for the failure rate of our children. See who really selects the failing curriculum for your kids. It isn't you any more. Government employees in any bureau have a tendency, in order to protect their sinecures, of enlarging and expanding the scope of what they were set up to do. Like Topsy they just grow. They grow until the top people are insulated from the taxpayers by so many layers of departments and minions that they can no longer be contacted by us insignificant voters. It's an old way of making one's career safe and secure. And it is self propagating. Investigate some agencies yourself. The TV show (which I watched fervently and thankfully for its intelligent scripting and fine acting, I add) The West Wing, pointed out in an earlyish episode that a ban on automatic weapons would sooner or later open the door to a ban on all privately owned guns for the citizens. Did you vote for a person who seems to have this mind? It's strange (maybe not, I am only one voter) but none of the enquiring emails I have submitted to the Obama-Biden camps have received a response. I asked if they intended to end tenure for school teachers. No answer yet. I asked if they intended to seek a ban on automatic guns. No answer yet. I asked if they meant to erase the Federal Reserve Bank from the country. No answer yet. I asked if they intended to seek any changes in Federal Election Commission powers. No answer yet. I asked if they intended to put a limit on campaign spending. No answer yet. There were more questions. None have received any reply other than a random email or two stating they had received my email and it would be sent to the concerned department. What concerned Department? They didn't say. Maybe they meant the FBI. Are we really looking toward "multiculturalism, bilingualism, moral chaos and educational nullity."? Check out this Brit writer's opinion (no, I don't usually accept aliens judgements of American elections, But after my discounts of items, I still find his analysis vibrant and stirring): http://hitchensblog.mailonsunday.co.uk/2008/11/obamaniacs.html .

WE JUST LOVE TV

There's a something under the header that seems to prove if you don't have television you can find plenty to do. Click and see.

It's time I ran a rant (I don't hardly ever do that, I'm told). (But then I have been told I've got good looking legs, too.)

I was raised way back when all TV was in black and white. Advertisers were more careful about their claims, too. Well, mainly. I mean, every cigarette brand claimed it was the mildest. Every car claimed it was the best and most reliable. Every beer said it was the best tasting and smoothest. And so on. And on.

But it was nothing like the horrendous television of today.

We had Roller Derby, but nothing like the bloody fake of modern wrestling. We had baseball games, but we didn't have commercials every half inning. And the players didn't take drugs of any kind. Well, we knew some of them emulated Babe Ruth and trained on beer, though.

Married couples had to have separate beds. No cuddling up in the same sheets. (I sometimes wondered how they managed to have children. If he crept over to her bed or she to his.)Comedians didn't need to use curse words and off color phrases to make audiences laugh. You laughed because they were actually funny.

Football was a fun sport built on talent. There weren't commercials that showed up every time a football was kicked or a time out called. Or a player injured. Or just because. We could really enjoy watching a game.

When a star showed up on their own show, they were applauded at the end of the show so that they knew we liked the show and their performance. We weren't held to ransom before they would let us see what they were offering. If a "star" wanted our praise , they had to earn it first.(Yeah, some shows didn't deserve much in the way of applause. Same as today.)

Newscasts had real news stories. Not fluff, not mainly weather reports that really didn't say anything. Bad readings and mispronunciationswere corrected before they went on air, statements that were obviously biased and misleading were vetted carefully. The 30 minute shows were not filled with way too many ads (most of them to tell us less than intelligent viewers that their station was the best).

There were real heroes (at least for the kids) on TV then, too. Hopalong, Matt Dillon, Superman (without the sexual angle) and on and on. Clean living and straight arrows. There were no junkie detectives, no mentally confused sex crime solvers, no cops hampered about who were the real bad guys, nor what they were guilty of. (You know, like it is in real life.)

We survived without shows that had guests fist fighting for the slack jawed audience's pleasure. All shows insisted that featured players use the mid-west accent because that was most easily understood by the vast majority of Americans. There was no hope of success for TV that ignored easily understood English.

Yes, there were mediocre shows (a head of the FCC once called television a "vast wasteland" in a formal speech to Congress). For the most part, these survived one season only. Shows that had valid morality to teach in a palatable manner lasted for a number of seasons.

An interesting article:

The state of Maine gave a test to about 15,000 eighth-graders to assess their writing skills, including their ability to form a logical position.

When the state refused to release the results, a newspaper filed a Freedom of Information Act request and learned that 78 percent of the kids failed, which was 50 percent more than failed the test the previous year.

Maine's Department of Education explained the results were "inconclusive", and they discarded them because students reacted emotionally to the test.

"Kids got ticked off at the [question]," explained Education Commissioner Susan Gendron, "so it was not an accurate reflection of their writing skills." The essay-based test asked the students to support or refute the statement, "Television may have a negative impact on learning."

It is also a bit amazing how defense attorneys can, in one instance, claim their client was affected by all the violence on TV and in another case, claim their defendant just could not be affected by the TV violence. And win the respective cases. Somewhere, a big duh needs to be added to that.

But my very biggest gripe is about advertising on the one eyed monster. Seemingly not satisfied with 30% or more of the air time being taken up by commercials, now the stations are advertising throughout the shows we're trying to enjoy. They drop their obnoxious logos on the screen, then run an ad above or along side of it and the, gentle reader, have the nerve and crassness to stick another ad next to that conglomeration. A solid strip of advertising that, in my case make me resolve to NOT watch theadvertised show and have reservations about tuning that station in again. But the majority are doing that now. What part of "Quit trying to ruin my enjoyment of this show. Save your advertising for a specified slot."

And that goes for football, too. Keep your damned (sorry, Scarlett) ads for a proper place. It is time the American people rose up and in a loud voice screamed "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!"

Where's Newton Minow now? We need someone like him.

REMEMBERING YOUR VETERAN

http://www.arlingtoncemetery.net/flanders.htm Click the header for the classic poem on Veterans' Day. . The picture here shows part of a 100 combine assault on a wheat field. And what has that to do with Vet's Day? Well, the men and women who have served in our wars came home with a knowledge that Machiavellian attitudes were much too ugly and vicious and gory to be applied in our civilian lives. They learned that making a combined effort to solve the logistics would carry the day. The people building the machines, those sending the machines to the field, those gathering the fuel and so on, had to work as one with those actually doing the dirty work. It would need everyone working toward one thing to make it come together for victory of any kind. . Now, more than ever before, we need to find common ground and work together. . http://www.vfw.org/index.cfm