BOYS AND GIRLS

When I was a lad, I learned that there were two sexes. It was information that I really needed then, since I was in the difficult place where things that had never happened to me before were occuring. They made things hard. And sometimes embarrassing. Don't we all wish to be that age and have the knowledge we do now? And the header is um, different and interesting. Click on it. Save some money. . The state of Maine gave a test to about 15,000 eighth-graders to assess their writing skills, including their ability to form a logical position. When the state refused to release the results, a newspaper filed a Freedom of Information Act request and learned that 78 percent of the kids failed, which was 50 percent more than failed the test the previous year. Maine's Department of Education explained the results were "inconclusive", and they discarded them because students reacted emotionally to the test. "Kids got ticked off at the [question]," explained Education Commissioner Susan Gendron, "so it was not an accurate reflection of their writing skills." The essay-based test asked the students to support or refute the statement, "Television may have a negative impact on learning." I vaguely remember some of the essay tests I had in High School and it seems to me all of them required some kind of emotion to react to the theme. . Chinese restaurants flush with mouse meat Nutritious but potentially illness-inducing field mice are finding their way onto restaurant dinner plates in parts of China. "The trucks carrying mice arrive at 4 a.m. and all the goods can be sold out before 7 a.m.," a mouse broker said of the delicacy. Shipments of mice are being delivered daily from Hunan Province to restaurants in Fanyu, Zhaoqing, Dongguan and Nanhai in Guangdong Province, the broker said. The shipments increased from just one delivery a week last year, after flooding in central China forced an estimated 2 billion field mice from their holes near Dongting Lake, China Daily reported. Nutritious mouse meat is packed with protein and minerals, but health officials in Guangzhou -- where mouse meat was officially banned in 2003 -- warned it could carry infectious diseases. Did you visit the latest Olympics? . New Presidential Candidate... It's someone we know! There's an effort to elect an unknown random person as President... and it's someone we know! See this news website about the surprising new nominee: http://www.tsgnet.com/pres.php?id=370617&altf=Dbu&altl=Npwft Jot back a note to let me know what you think! . Confusion is one woman plus one left turn; Excitement is two women plus one secret; Bedlam is three women plus one bargain; Chaos is four women plus one lunch check. . Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a rowboat and taking the tartar sauce with you. . I Love Teddy Roosevelt... "In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith, becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person’s becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American…. There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn’t an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag…. We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language…and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.” —Theodore Roosevelt, 1907. . Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence thereafter. . When I went to the doctor for my yearly physical, my blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some weight and I didn't feel so hot. My doctor said that eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems. He said, "Just think in colors. Fill your plate with bright colors of greens, yellows, reds, etc." So, I went right home and emptied an entire bag of M&Ms onto a plate, ate them and sure enough, I felt better! ,

THE GARDEN OF VEGGIES CONTINUES

There's a lot of ugly stuff going on in our world so this post is meant to give us all a few minutes of respite from the world's problems.

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Clicking the header might be a good place to start.

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I hope you enjoy it and the vegetables plucked from the garden.

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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt?" She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

(Stolen from a dear friend.)

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I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a considerable amount of wild game. So much, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table, my six year old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure would be nice if you ever caught a pizza out in the woods."

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"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on."-- Maxwell Maltz, Author

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Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your butt, didn't it?" He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

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"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on."

-- Maxwell Maltz, Author

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I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

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http://www.whenhamstersattack.com/index.php

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HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.

The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"

And the Lord said, "They are rules for living.""Can you give us an example?""Thou shall not kill."

"Not kill? We're not interested."

So He went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,"Honor thy Father and Mother."

"Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested."

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said "Thou shall not steal."

"Not steal? We're not interested."

Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said,"Thou shall not commit adultery."

"Not commit adultery? We're not interested."

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."

"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?"

"They're free."

"We'll take 10."

There, that ought to offend just about everybody!

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Letter from a friend who writes and farms:

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.

The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.

After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.

I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.

A deer-- no chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.

The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head.

At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere.

At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute.

I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head --almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.

I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp.

I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope - so that they can be somewhat equal to the prey.

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Two elderly friends of mine were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Joe noticed something funny about Hugh's ear.

He said, "Hugh, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"

"I have? A suppository?"

He pulled it out and stared at it. Then he said: "Ed, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is..."

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Usually there's no computer problem I can't solve.

But I met my match when I turned on my machine and was greeted with the message "Keyboard not detected. Hit any key to continue."

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Older Than Dirt Quiz Count all the ones that you remember....not the ones you were told about. ~Blackjack chewing gum ~Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water ~Candy cigarettes ~Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles ~Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes ~Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers ~Party lines ~Newsreels before the movie ~P.F. Flyers ~Butch wax ~Telephone numbers with a word prefix (OLive-6933) ~Peashooters ~Howdy Doody ~45 RPM records ~S&H Green Stamps ~Hi-Fi's ~Metal ice trays with lever ~Mimeograph paper ~Blue flashbulbs ~Packards ~Roller skate keys ~Cork popguns ~Drive-in movies ~Studebakers ~Wash tub wringers

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If you remembered 0-5...You're still young. If you remembered 6-10...You're getting older. If you remembered 11-15...Don't tell your age. If you remembered 16-25...You're OLDER THAN DIRT! If you find you're 'older than dirt'....you have plenty of company.

Don't care what you say. I am NOT going to tell you how many I remembered.

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Have a fun day.

THE LAW IS A ASS

I know that one of my very favorite bloggers has been putting pictures of strange rock formations on her site. She invites readers to tell her what the odd and unusual shapes might look like to them.

Therefore, please let me know what the strange and unusual shape of these vegetables look like to you.

They are natural and wholesome foods that have, perhaps through gigantic upheavals in the earth, been turned into peculiar forms.

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There's a very interesting story in our local paper (again, a judge is involved in it) that I found very upsetting and portraying a lack of commonsense and perspicacity rendered by Metropolitan District Court Judge Clyde DeMersseman and Assistant District Attorney Anthony Long.

The power and might of the City of Albuquerque and a six person jury (we spare no expense) have been loosed on a law breaker. And he has been found guilty. Hooray for JUSTICE!

As citizens of the mightiest nation on earth (albeit coming from one the most poorly schooled populaces in the country and infiltrated by illegal beings who want nannies), we have our rights.

For those who want to know what Peter Lynch's (an eight year American Air Force veteran) crime was, herewith the charge: "misdemeanor criminal damage to property".

Oh, yeah, he was a University of New Mexico student at the time. He still is.

So what heinous crime did Lynch commit?

Being a loyal American, with all those years of service to his country behind him and having only been out of the Air Force for 3 days, he tore down an improperly displayed flag.

A Mexican flag. One that was illegally and improperly on display.

He saw a Mexican flag being flown in front of the university's Admin building. And not having an American flag being flown at the same time. A clear violation of flag protocol and an attack on the symbolism of the American Flag.

Lynch said he contacted officials at UNM and the Army ROTC, but nothing was done about the breach.

So a loyal American ripped an offending foreign nation's flag down and tore it into a couple of pieces. After all, we've all seen the pictures of foreign students burning American flags in America, while they were cheered on by other instigators. And we have also seen they weren't even charged with a misdemeanor.

But it seems Judge Demersseman had a hard on. Instead of a fine and a "don't do it again" he laid it on an American patriot and sentenced him to six months supervised probation (including trips to a Parole Officer), 48 hours of community service, restitution in the form of a replacement flag (that really irritated me) and into anger management counseling.

Our marvelous City Attorneys had asked for 200 hours of community service. (When it comes time, I'm working to have the present DA defeated.)

The judgie had the balls (and the lack of wit) to say "...A flag is more than a piece of cloth."

He's gotta go, too.

Lynch was interviewed by a talk station here after the sentencing and and stated "I don't feel welcome in this state anymore. After my six months of probation is completed...I want to go. I want to be somewhere other than here."

I wonder if he'd consider running for a judge's seat in Metropolitan Court?

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One more thought: It does not seem that "the law people" considered the effect this will have on race relations here. I see absolutely no good coming from it.

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Be sure to click on the header and see if you're worthy.

QWICHERBITCHIN'

Oh, yes it is --------------------->

(Be sure to click the header for something different.)

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I remember the old timey comedians. Like Bob Hope, Bill Cosby and Red Skelton. Here's a piece from Red Skelton:

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RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionshipShe goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds.Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas . 3. I take my wife everywhere .. but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair. 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake." 8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!" 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 monthsI don't like to interrupt her. 13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" Can't you just hear him say all of these?I love it ... these were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.

And he always ended his programs with the words, "God Bless."

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Did you know...... that today is Respect Your Cat Day?

In 1384, King RichardII of England issued a royal edict condemning the eating of cats. Give your cat a little extra treat today!

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If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. --- Dorothy Parker

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Canadian Snowbirds

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A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas.

She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?"

He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Did she win?

He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"

The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up, she just fainted!"

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Have a look:

http://www.thewvsr.com/adsvsreality.htm

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http://www.icealaska.com/videocam/08Cam/mb8/CAM808mb01.html

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I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. .

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

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I'm not accusing anyone, but...: http://www.switched.com/2008/03/18/internet-and-phone-addiction-could-be-classified-as-mental-illne/?ncid=NWS00010000000001

LOOKING FOR THE ANSWER

There is an answer. I'm pretty sure there is. At least I think there is. Well, maybe there is. And maybe there isn't. . I'm searching the Internet for it. Spending time reading and checking up on people who have answers (or at least think they do). . I'm even downloading free books from the web. (Feels like the authors are being screwed out of their royalties. But I don't think Plato will mind.) Tom Jefferson, Ben Franklin and John Q. Adams might. Teddy Roosevelt was always ready to share. So was that other Roosevelt. Samuel Clemens shared when he wasn't writing porn. (Anything for a laugh, Mark?) Yeah, I know, it isn't easy being eccentric in this day and age. Lots and lots of American authors. Dreiser, Faulkner, Hemmingway, and on and on. . You see, Wild Thing and I were sitting at the table watching various "news" channels (various, 'cause I'm like most men. Can't stand ads, so I surf when they come on). The news was all bad or tasteless or both. (I was particularly irritated with the a**hole governator of New Mexico. The clown who has grown a beard now in hopes of hiding his avarice from the public. (He can't hide the blubber, though. It shows.) Oh, if y'all wanted Barracks Obama to win the Presidency, you can forget it. Bill Richardson picking him ought to be the kiss of death to his election this time around. At least it is in this house. (New post about about the carpetbagger coming soon. Stay tuned.) . What we heard and saw on the boob tube seemed to be part of a chaos that has descended on the United States with almost the speed of light. Prices spiralling up and up. Food prices up, too. In the greatest agricultural country that has ever existed. Gasoline prices soaring enough to make people stay at home when they would have liked to ride out in their shiny cars. Medical costs rising with such rapidity that Health Insurance companies were rewriting what and what not their companies would pay for medicines and treatments. In the country that invented modern medical care. Bread prices shot up at incredible leaps. In the country that can grow enough wheat to feed the entire world. . We heard and saw the grief caused by the loss of jobs throughout the country. 80,000 here. 22,000 there. 36,00 there. And on and on. . We saw the war on the middle class (once defined as the backbone of America) set in and decimate the people. We saw them start to die in their income less homes. And on the streets. We watched the fire in their eyes be extinguished by hopelessness. . We saw the silent invasion force demanding equal rights with American citizens, although they had no right to the things Americans had fought and died for. We saw them burn our flag, cheer for the alien drug smugglers and spit on our country. And we noted that the governments sworn to protect American citizens did nothing. . What happened to our America? The America that respected the laws, the patriotism, the honor that was part and parcel of our land. The America described in the old black and white film "Pride of the Marines". (Yes, you can still rent it.) . There are articles being written now about the money 150 million Americans will need when they retire. They worry about the cost of health care, the effect of inflation on their nest eggs and not being able to maintain a reasonable standard of living for the rest of their lives. Only 60% work for an employer who has any kind of retirement plan. And less than 53% are enrolled in these few plans. What happened to the unions? The teams that forced employers to offer retirement benefits to employees? And got them real raises? And health insurance? Our government happened to them. Our government and greedy business men and women happpened to them. The union busters seem to have won. Have a read:

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/RetirementandWills/InvestForRetirement/BleakRetirementsFor150Million.aspx .

There's more at: http://www.inthesetimes.com/article/3574/blue_collar_bare_cupboards/

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So what? There is not one single politician running for the most powerful job in the world, who has addressed the various effects tearing apart the "Great Experiment". Not one.

It's as if they can't see the problems staring them in the face. Or perhaps haven't enough people on their staffs who can see what must happen in the near future.

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Chaos, and the very real threat of internicine warfare are knocking on your door, America.

A bit of reading herewith:

Unhealthiest States 2008 - AOL Money & Finance

Most Dangerous States 2008 - AOL Money & Finance

Worst Places to Retire - AOL Money & Finance

http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/3535/context/cover/

There will be more about the Chaos Theory in future posts. But I betcha the next post will give you some laughs. I sure need them.

MIRAPEX, CARS AND GAMBLING

If you, or anyone you know, has ever taken Prozac, you might want to click on the header.

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What about this picture? Well, we live at high altitude here and sometimes we wonder what the flatlanders are up to in regards to television advertising and drug research.

You know they go together if you watch any TV at all. Drug companies flood magazines, newspapers and especially television with advertising.

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In any case, there's a fairly new drug that is being pushed for Restless Leg Syndrome, a problem my Wild Thing has suffered from for many years. It's called Mirapex and is manufactured by Pharmacia & Upjohn.

The Food and Drug Administration put out this warning: "Two new drugs for Parkinson's disease may suddenly put patients to sleep, a dangerous side effect termed ''sleep attack'' that has caused at least eight people to have car wrecks, doctors said today.

"The effect appears rare: More than 100,000 Americans take these drugs, and the food and drug agency said it knew of no additional cases."

Like many meds, it warns against driving while taking the drug. No biggie. (And besides, those who "fell asleep" while driving might very well have been overtired and the sandman just caught up with them. But it's always handy to have a whipping boy available when you have a prang.)

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It also has warnings that, in addition to physiological effects, it can have psychological effects. Like overeating. Like becoming oversexed. Like gambling. Yes, truly. There's an article from the Mayo Clinic if you're interested: http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/BN/00043.html .

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So I tried to figure out which parts of the body control the desire to gamble. I checked the instep of my left foot, my belly button and my scalp and right ear and lobe. No luck. I spent 47 minutes carefully examining different body parts (use your imagination) and nothing indicated that any part was interested in gambling. Except my brain, which considered gambling as enjoyable. Rats.

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Next, I tried to find out which part of my body controlled the sex drive. After only 26 minutes, the only thing I could find was (no, not that), my brain, which considered sex enjoyable. Rats.

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I hunted for my overeating glands and wound up at my brain after only 17 minutes. Yep, it considered eating enjoyable, too.

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This isn't a put-on posting. Really. But I have trouble with a drug invented for one problem being used to help with a different problem and then turning out to have the power and potency to alter a person's mind and thinking processes.

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I am wondering why the FDA doesn't declare these drugs as potentially mind altering and put them either on a severely restricted list or have the manufacturers remove them completely from the market? It looks like a bit of collusion to me.