ALL THE NEWS REALLY SUCKS

I guess I'm getting too demanding. Must be old age. Or Alzheimer's. Or that hang nail. Maybe that allergy.

We've got four local TV stations here in Albuquerque who all insist on giving us what they call "The NEWS". The hottest news the other day was the fact a chain of gougy coffee shops was going to raise their prices for a cup of ladies coffee. (Ladies coffee has lots of strange stuff in it to disguise the coffee taste. Please don't ask me why.)

While I was trying to understand how this related to the horrible fiery crash of an airplane in their previous story, the newsreaders made jokes about the price of what they called coffee.

And there have been countless words and pictures on the shenanigans of a rich hotel heiress who doesn't mind having her sexual encouters on the WWW. When I was younger, this kind of girl was called a slut. Now, for whatever reason, these girls seem to be teen idols.

I fail to understand why a coffee shop raising their price is news.

I fail to understand why a slut has to be invited into my living room.

Then we were told about a movie star who had fallen off the liquor and drug wagons. Now that was deathless news. Might have ruined my understanding of why there are so many worthwhile people in the world if I hadn't seen this.

Next was a blazing hot story about people waiting in line to buy a book. Complete with pictures and interviews of line standers. On the one hand I was glad to hear that millions of people were reading. On the other hand, so what?

In the weather report, we are treated to weather all over the state. And the neighboring states. And the rest of the states. And selected cities and countries all over the globe. It's enough to make your eyes glaze over. And I want to ask a question: What's the difference between "scattered showers" and "isolated showers"?

Then in sports we are treated to a guy who is trying to beat a record. Although no one says he gets performance drug help. And no one mentions that the original record was set when the teams played a lot less games.

Next we get to hear the earth shaking news that a game referee was betting on teams when he was officiating. Seems to me all the big banks do something very similar all the time.

Then we hear of a quarterback on an American Football team whose idea of fun is to run a dog fighting arena. (Dogs rip each other to shreds in these things.) None of the newscasters points out that, since the quarterback is supposed to be the smartest player on the team, what does that say for the rest of the men?

Oh, yes, each and everyone of the local news shows have won awards from various unheard of organizations. They tell you that in each and every broadcast. I guess that's in case you think something along the lines of "this is crappy news, let's change the channel".

If I sound disgusted with newscasts, it is only because I am disgusted with news casts.

I might ask the Aussie Journalist if he has any clues why this goes on. I know, I know. He deals in print material. But maybe he knows how these TV "news reporters" (italics mine) sleep at night? Yes, if you were wondering, I was a hot metal gun lino operator long ago.

Got a different kind of surprise in the header, not funny at all.