REPUBLICANS, DEMOCRATS AND LITTLE OLD LADIES

After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was. "Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me." He looked confused, "What are you talking about?" "Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?"I challenged. "No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along." Subject: There's a Republican on my porch This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers, she yells, "Help, send the policeto my house right away. There's a danged Republican on my front porch and he's playing with himself." "What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a danged Republican on my front porch playing with himself; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated. "Well, now, how do you know he's a Republican?" "Because, you danged fool, if he was a Democrat,he'd be screwing somebody. BEIJING - They're flush with pride in a southwestern Chinese city where a recently-opened porcelain palace features an Egyptian facade, soothing music and more than 1,000 toilets spread out over 32,290 square feet. Officials in Chongqing are preparing to submit an application to Guinness World Records to have the free four-story public bathroom listed as the world's largest, the state-run China Central Television reported Friday. "We are spreading toilet culture. People can listen to gentle music and watch TV," said Lu Xiaoqing, an official with the Yangrenjie, or "Foreigners Street," tourist area where the bathroom is located. "After they use the bathroom they will be very, very happy." Footage aired on CCTV showed people milling about the sprawling facility and washing their hands at trough sinks. For open-aired relief, there is a cluster of stalls without a roof. Some urinals are uniquely shaped, including ones inside open crocodile mouths and several that are topped by the bust of a woman resembling the Virgin Mary. "Other bathrooms are all the same. This one is very special, I've never seen anything like it," one visitor to the tourist area told CCTV. There are also plans to build a supermarket nearby, which will sell toilet-related items, CCTV reported. Don't forget to click on the header. One ugly frog An elderly lady was somewhat lonely, and decided that she needed a pet to keep. So off to the pet shop she went. Forlornly, she searched. Nothing seemed to catch her interest, except this one ugly frog. As she walked by the barrel he was in, he looked up and winked at her! He whispered, "I'm lonely too, buy me and you won't be sorry." The old lady figured, what the heck, as she hadn't found anything else. So, she bought the frog and went to her car. Driving down the road the frog whispered to her, "Kiss me,you won't be sorry." So, the old lady figured what the heck, and kissed the frog. Immediately the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, handsome, young prince. Then the prince kissed her back, and you know what the old lady turned into? Come on, guess... The first motel she could find How to keep an idiot busy