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Wednesday, February 18, 2009
HERE'S SOME MONEY
How the Stimulus Payments works."This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment.This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely: If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China .
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan .
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.
And none of it will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America . You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY) or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.
Meet those who would like your money:
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6 comments:
Well, thanks Cat ... from someone who has been feeling down and disheartened for weeks now. This post gave me the first real laugh I have had since the stimulus bill hit us all between the eyes. I guess if we can laugh about it, even a sarcastic laugh, there might be hope for us.
Towanda, I'm sorry to hear about the blues gettin' at you. Glad I could supply a chuckle or two.
My wife likes your pet sidebar cat. She nabbed one for her niece's blog.
Hey, you nailed my stimulus efforts, now if only I can find some decent yard sales to attend without blowing a lot of fuel to find them. A buck spent at a yard sale puts a whole buck right back to work in your own backyard. Yessuh!
Clif, she's welcome. It comes in two sizes as I remember.
Lin, there'll be a plethora of yard and garage sales come this spring here in Albq. Save your small change and always bargain with the seller.
(Hunting frantically through my old junk to see what I can peddle to you.)
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