SO YOU WANT FAME?

Clicking on the header takes you to where you really should do it. Life's a whirl... KEY WEST, Fla. (AP) - A white-bearded insurance agent from Florida won the Ernest Hemingway Look-Alike Contest, a highlight of the annual festival honoring the famed writer. Larry Austin defeated 122 other contenders in the competition at Sloppy Joe's Bar, Hemingway's favorite watering hole when he lived in the Keys in the 1930s. The final round was held late Saturday, which would have been Hemingway's 108th birthday. Austin, of Palm Harbor, said he shares Hemingway's fondness for Key West, cats and having a good time, though he has never attempted writing anything except insurance policies. "When they called my name, I was in shock," said Austin, a 10-year veteran contestant who said his favorite Hemingway novel is "The Old Man and the Sea." Contestants dressed in sportsman's attire paraded across the stage at Sloppy Joe's during preliminary rounds Thursday and Friday. Twenty-five prospective "Papas" made it to Saturday night's finals. Ernest Hemingway's granddaughter Lorian Hemingway said the contest would appeal to her late grandfather. "I think if he were to walk into Sloppy Joe's to see dozens of men hoping to look like him, he would be honored," she said. "In fact, I think he might even break into tears, because the connection with him here in Key West goes so deep and all the look-alikes love this man." Ernest Hemingway wrote many of his classic works, such as "For Whom the Bell Tolls" and "To Have and Have Not," in a small studio adjoining his Key West home. If this guy thinks "The Old Man And The Sea" is a novel, Papa must be turning over in his grave. I personally enjoyed both the short story and the screen version.

An 8-year-old Kansas boy was denied boarding an aircraft in Cortez, Colo., because his name appeared on the U.S. terrorist no-fly list. Bryan Moore showed up at the boarding counter for Great Lakes Airlines last week, and security was summoned when his name appeared on the list, The Kansas City (Mo.) Star reported. Airline officials told the newspaper the boy, who is from Parker -- a town of about 280 people in eastern Kansas -- and his adult sister showed up just 20 minutes before the flight and there wasn't enough time to clear him to fly. However, spokeswoman Carrie Harmon of the Transportation Security Administration said the ticket agent acted improperly. "There are no children on any watch lists," Harmon told the newspaper. "If a child has a name similar to one on the list, the ticket agent is supposed to clear the child and immediately issue a boarding pass." She said common names are on the list to ensure ticket agents verify the person's identity, the Star reported.

Yeah, you gotta watch those 8 year olds from Parker, Kansas. They might have corn borers hidden in their pockets.

Beijing Television said an expose that alleged dumplings in Beijing were filled with cardboard was a hoax and police arrested the reporter who filed the story. The station apologized during its Wednesday evening news program for airing the report, which was produced by a temporary employee on its Life Channel, Xinhua, China's official government-run news agency, reported. "We should apologize to the public for the Life Channel's failure to strictly examine the content of the report, resulting in the airing of a faked report which in turn undermined public confidence," the station said. Police said the reporter admitted under interrogation that he fabricated the report, which was aired as part of the Life Channel's "Transparency" segment July 8. Police said four migrant workers and one other suspect have been detained as part of the investigation into the false report.

Once we get those alleged dumplings we'll explain why Americans are not going to trust anything that comes fro China.

If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed.

If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.--- Mark Twain

Ever wonder what happens when you leave your computer on overnight? Does it just sit idle until the screen saver kicks in?That's what you want to believe. But now MASO Digital Studio has captured proof of the secret life of your desktop icons in a hilarious Flash clip. View the animation This is great fun. "We know that as a consequence of transgressions and negligence, 1.2 million people die each year on the roads," said Cardinal Renato Martino, who heads the council. "That's a sad reality, and at the same time a great challenge for society and the Church." For the church? I'd better tell the police chief. He thinks it's his challenge. Enlarge this picture for the fun. Chinese restaurants are flush with mouse meat. Nutritious but potentially illness-inducing field mice are finding their way onto restaurant dinner plates in parts of China. "The trucks carrying mice arrive at 4 a.m. and all the goods can be sold out before 7 a.m.," a mouse broker said of the delicacy. Shipments of mice are being delivered daily from Hunan Province to restaurants in Fanyu, Zhaoqing, Dongguan and Nanhai in Guangdong Province, the broker said. The shipments increased from just one delivery a week last year, after flooding in central China forced an estimated 2 billion field mice from their holes near Dongting Lake, China Daily reported. Nutritious mouse meat is packed with protein and minerals, but health officials in Guangzhou -- where mouse meat was officially banned in 2003 -- warned it could carry infectious diseases. My cats think mice are a delicacy. But Wild Thing has said we aren't going to any more Chinese Buffets unless they're staffed by Americans. Not even after 4 a.m.

ALL THE NEWS REALLY SUCKS

I guess I'm getting too demanding. Must be old age. Or Alzheimer's. Or that hang nail. Maybe that allergy.

We've got four local TV stations here in Albuquerque who all insist on giving us what they call "The NEWS". The hottest news the other day was the fact a chain of gougy coffee shops was going to raise their prices for a cup of ladies coffee. (Ladies coffee has lots of strange stuff in it to disguise the coffee taste. Please don't ask me why.)

While I was trying to understand how this related to the horrible fiery crash of an airplane in their previous story, the newsreaders made jokes about the price of what they called coffee.

And there have been countless words and pictures on the shenanigans of a rich hotel heiress who doesn't mind having her sexual encouters on the WWW. When I was younger, this kind of girl was called a slut. Now, for whatever reason, these girls seem to be teen idols.

I fail to understand why a coffee shop raising their price is news.

I fail to understand why a slut has to be invited into my living room.

Then we were told about a movie star who had fallen off the liquor and drug wagons. Now that was deathless news. Might have ruined my understanding of why there are so many worthwhile people in the world if I hadn't seen this.

Next was a blazing hot story about people waiting in line to buy a book. Complete with pictures and interviews of line standers. On the one hand I was glad to hear that millions of people were reading. On the other hand, so what?

In the weather report, we are treated to weather all over the state. And the neighboring states. And the rest of the states. And selected cities and countries all over the globe. It's enough to make your eyes glaze over. And I want to ask a question: What's the difference between "scattered showers" and "isolated showers"?

Then in sports we are treated to a guy who is trying to beat a record. Although no one says he gets performance drug help. And no one mentions that the original record was set when the teams played a lot less games.

Next we get to hear the earth shaking news that a game referee was betting on teams when he was officiating. Seems to me all the big banks do something very similar all the time.

Then we hear of a quarterback on an American Football team whose idea of fun is to run a dog fighting arena. (Dogs rip each other to shreds in these things.) None of the newscasters points out that, since the quarterback is supposed to be the smartest player on the team, what does that say for the rest of the men?

Oh, yes, each and everyone of the local news shows have won awards from various unheard of organizations. They tell you that in each and every broadcast. I guess that's in case you think something along the lines of "this is crappy news, let's change the channel".

If I sound disgusted with newscasts, it is only because I am disgusted with news casts.

I might ask the Aussie Journalist if he has any clues why this goes on. I know, I know. He deals in print material. But maybe he knows how these TV "news reporters" (italics mine) sleep at night? Yes, if you were wondering, I was a hot metal gun lino operator long ago.

Got a different kind of surprise in the header, not funny at all.

PEOPLE ARE FUNNY

A robber intent on taking advantage of unattended cash register in Florida did so with grand aplomb Wednesday, escaping on foot with the bulky machine.

Florida Today reported the robber apparently noticed a cash register was left unattended at a 24-hour pharmacy in Palm Bay, Fla. and decided to simply walk off with the register while employees were busy. Police said it only took seconds for the man, whose image was captured by a surveillance camera inside the pharmacy, to make off with the cash-filled register.

Palm Bay officials said the register was found miles away from the scene of the crime. No information was available about how much was taken from the machine. Florida Today said local police continued to search for the robber and have asked local residents to assist in the ongoing manhunt.

Is an unattended cash register like having a portable safe?

Officials in Hollywood, Fla., are considering changing regulations for a section of North Beach to allow dogs to accompany their owners to the ocean.

A city commission vote is planned to decide whether to start a 60-day trial period to allow dogs on North Hollywood Beach during limited hours, The Miami Herald reported.

"One of the reasons people live in South Florida is to enjoy the beaches," said Lisa Heller, president of the Off Leash Dog Beach of Hollywood Association, a group that supports the move. "I'm sure a lot of people would like to share that with their dogs," she said.

Fort Lauderdale is the only city in Broward County that allows dogs on the beach. Heller said simply driving there is not convenient for Hollywood residents whose dogs want to take a dip. "It takes a half hour to get there and after a half hour in the water, he's ready to go," Heller said. "We'd like to have something in our community."

Just think, you could "share" lots of things with the dogs. But it might feel squishy between your toes.

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) - She is a latecomer to the information superhighway, but 75-year-old Sigbritt Lothberg is now cruising the Internet with a dizzying speed. Lothberg's 40 gigabits-per-second fiber-optic connection in Karlstad is believed to be the fastest residential uplink in the world, Karlstad city officials said. In less than 2 seconds, Lothberg can download a full-length movie on her home computer - many thousand times faster than most residential connections, said Hafsteinn Jonsson, head of the Karlstad city network unit. Jonsson and Lothberg's son, Peter, worked together to install the connection. The speed is reached using a new modulation technique that allows the sending of data between two routers placed up to 1,240 miles apart, without any transponders in between, Jonsson said. "We wanted to show that that there are no limitations to Internet speed," he said. Peter Lothberg, who is a networking expert, said he wanted to demonstrate the new technology while providing a computer link for his mother. "She's a brand-new Internet user," Lothberg said by phone from California, where he lives. "She didn't even have a computer before." His mother isn't exactly making the most of her high-speed connection. She only uses it to read Web-based newspapers. And young people complain about oldsters being slow.

A boy of 11 with appendicitis was called a "wimp" by a doctor who failed to spot the condition. Liam Stone was taken to hospital by his mum for three days running with acute stomach pains. But each time he was sent home with painkillers because doctors did not spot appendicitis, which can be fatal. Liam's mum Vanessa said Medway Maritime Hospital in Gillingham, Kent, did not even offer a scan or blood test, reports the Daily Mirror. She said: "A paediatrician felt his stomach and asked me: "Is he always a wimp?"" Vanessa added: "I was worried Liam had appendicitis. What hurt me most was my son being called a wimp because I know he isn't." The 38-year-old mum, and husband Robert, eventually took Liam to Maidstone Hospital. He was diagnosed and operated on immediately. Vanessa said she wants to raise awareness and is not seeking compensation. Medway Hospital said: "We take complaints very seriously and investigate them rigorously." My advice? Sell your Medway stock.

Surprise link in header.

ALASKA IS TOO CLOSE TO CANADA

It's not just the cold and snow that affects people. Having spent some remarkable liberties in Vancouver, B.C., I became familiar with the hand signals used to signal bar maids (excuse me ladies, they called them that) when your table needed some beers. I recognized then that some signals might lead to trouble, but was reassured by my Canadian friends that would not be the case. I have one thing to say to them: OH, YEAH? ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) - A brawl involving five men apparently began over a misunderstanding when a man who is deaf and mute was communicating through sign language and another man took offense, thinking that the hand gestures were disrespectful. Police say what resulted was a brawl in which a gun was fired Sunday outside a bar in east Anchorage. Raymond Keith McWain, 26, had just turned a corner in his car when he noticed a truck with three men alongside his car. The deaf man was communicating with the other two in the truck through sign language, police said. McWain thought the sign language gestures were some sort of slight or "disrespect" toward him, police said. He made some gestures of his own and honked and cut in front of the truck before pulling into a pizza shop. The men in the truck followed. In the parking lot, McWain and the three men from the truck began pushing and shoving, police said. McWain's cousin, Daniel Harris, 20, who works at the pizza store, came out and began beating the deaf man as the deaf man's companions pummeled McWain. Multiple shots were fired from at least one gun. Police are looking into whether Harris pistol-whipped the deaf man. A shot might have gone off then, police spokesman Paul Honeman said. The men from the truck left the parking lot. When police arrived they found McWain lying in the parking lot bleeding heavily from his head and upper body, Honeman said. At first police thought he'd been shot, but it turned out his injuries were from being beaten and kicked. McWain was taken to a local hospital where he was listed in fair condition. The deaf man also went to a hospital later that night for treatment. Police found Harris crying, crouched near the front counter inside the pizza shop, court documents said. The only man arrested was Harris, who was charged with possession of methamphetamine. When police searched Harris they found several plastic baggies of meth, a glass pipe and $4,691 in his pockets, court documents said. See Vancouver through the header. Harris' bail was set at $15,000. According to a public database, he has no prior convictions in Alaska. The investigation into the fight and gunshots is ongoing.

ANY SUGGESTIONS?

Good Morning (or whatever it is where you are). I could use your advice. Looking over my blogging efforts I note one glaring thing. My posts are scattered all over the place. (Looks like the dog's breakfast. A little here, a little there. And there. And there.)

I'd like to get some input. So pay attention. Or you may not get to win the grand prize. Yep, a grand prize. Going through our storage room I found a box of rubber bands and a sheet of paste on rectangles. That's second prize. First prize is a weekend in Espanola, N.M., no expenses paid. (It'll feel like you've had a month away from all the modern conveniences.) Winners must come to Albuquerque to collect their winnings.

OK, the burning question (huh?-Ed.): I've been thinking about starting a new blog and letting that one concentrate on our Governator, Bill Richardson, while keeping this one open for other burning issues (OMG-Ed.). What's your opinion?

Oh, and there's a surprise in the header. I've downloaded it and it works great for me.

RICHARDSON IS A FUSSY MAN

"I believe that Bernard, yes--he’s a faggot if he thinks that I am not Hispanic."

“I would never knowingly say or do anything to hurt the GLBT community — a community that I have worked hard for and supported my entire career. In the Spanish I grew up speaking, the term means simply ‘gay,’ not positive or negative. It has been brought to my attention that the word also has a hurtful or derogatory connotation, which was never my intent. If I offended anybody, I’m sorry.”

(All the above are quotes right from Richardson's mouth.)

Oh? I googled for a translation of "faggot" in Spanish. Pages and pages but no clear definition. Lots of talk about it, but not one I read said it meant "gay".

In the English I grew up speaking, the term Hispanic meant someone from Spain. It didn't cover those who spoke variations of Spanish.

And the following is a New Mexico law: "New Mexico: Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public." (Are you listening New Mexicans?)

New Mexico schools are up to par (or up to something):

Recently at McDonald's I ordered a half-dozen Chicken McNuggets. "We don't have them by the half-dozen," said the teen counter-jockey. "You don't?" I questioned. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," he answered. "So I can't order a half dozen McNuggets, but I can order six?" "Yeah." So I ordered six McNuggets, whatcha gonna do?

Bill R. likes tacos and burritos:

If we are what we eat, does that make him easy, fast, and cheap?

Things Bill has accomplished recently: Gov. Bill Richardson, D-N.M., talks about two of his unique accomplishments: negotiating with Saddam Hussein and setting the world record for shaking 13,392 hands. Damn, that's impressive. And Hussein should be proud to have a drink of tequila with him, too.

Couple of questions, Bill ... how and when?

"The governor, whose mother and sister live in Mexico, is the only Hispanic candidate in the presidential race. He said there should be a "tough but fair" system to qualify for legal status, including learning English, passing a background check, and paying fines and back taxes."

And our brilliant Governator wants Social Security to pay women who stay home to take care of their children. From the Social Security fund? Yep. He said so. Out loud, to Wolf Blitzer.

Pardon me, but haven't I been hearing every few years about a coming shortfall in those funds? Doesn't Bill read the newspapers? Or the bills his own political party wants enacted? Even, (shudder) watch TV "news"? Has he forgotten what SS was set up for originally (by a Democrat who wanted the American people to have good things)?

Bill, if you want to pay stay at home moms, have you looked into why all the welfare departments, nation wide, have limited the time welfare moms can stay on welfare? I realize you lack knowledge of things like accounting, economics and cost effectiveness. But still, Bill, you should have someone on your staff who has taken more than an introductory course in these areas.

I have to agree that Mexican citizens seem to always feel that mamacita should be subserviant to the man. I think it's called being macho. But, Bill, we don't live in Mexico. Why not get your party to pass an act giving that responsibility to Welfare? Social Security has enough problems without adding a gigantic work load to their plate.

I have deliberately not mentioned anything about his known attitudes toward women and sex. You'll have to click the header to find out about that.