Hi all. It's me, Schotzy again. The two legged cat went to have a nap and I've taken over. That'll teach him.
The Bet:
Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive, the two fathers make a bet to see a year from then which family has become more Americanized.
A year later they meet again and the first man says "My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud. How about you?"
The second man replies, "Fuck off, Raghead!".
----------------------------------------------
THIEF ACCEPTS INVITATION
A thief has stolen a book titled "Steal this Book" from a modern art exhibition in Switzerland.
The organisers of the Basel Shift Festival have decided not to report the theft to the police yet, and hope the thief will return the book.
The book with the words "Steal this Book" emblazoned across its cover had been placed in an incubator by artists from the Viennese artist's group Ubermorgen.
A spokesman for the artists said: "The central part of the work was a book with the title 'Steal this Book' as a way of representing in art an internet hacking operation that made entire books readable on amazon.com, instead of just single pages.
"It was an attempt to praise those that fought for the right for literary freedom, and not an invitation to steal the book."
The book was written by Abbie Hoffman in 1970 and published in 1971, and includes advice on growing marijuana, starting a pirate radio station, living in a commune, stealing food, shoplifting, stealing credit cards, making pipe bombs, and obtaining a free buffalo from the US Department of the Interior.
Many bookstores refused to carry the book, because so many patrons followed the advice of the book's title and stole it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Here's a recipe I found. Enjoy:
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I remember doing this when I was a kitten...and again last week.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I found this on Halloween but forgot to put it in my post then. If you wait until it's loaded, then put your cursor on the names you'll get some surprises.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Sometimes you will cry, and no one will see your tears.
Sometimes you will laugh, and no one will see you smile.
Sometimes you will fear, and no one will see you shudder.
Sometimes you will fall, and no one sees you struggle.
Sometimes you will be late, and no one seems to notice
But fart just one time...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
News for humans:
Administering birth control pills and other contraceptives to middle school students has been approved at a Portland, Maine, school.
The Portland School Committee voted 7-2 Wednesday night to allow King Middle School's health center to offer the services to students, most of whom are between 11 and 13, WCSH-TV, Portland, reported.
The issue arose after five girls reported being sexually active last year. Under the arrangement, parents would have to sign a consent form to allow treatment at the school's health center but, based on doctor-patient confidentiality, wouldn't be notified of any contraceptives administered.
The school has provided condoms to students since 2000, the Portland Press Herald reported. The vote makes King the first middle school in Maine to make a full range of contraception available to students in grades 6 to 8, said Nancy Birkhimer, director of teen health programs for the Maine Department of Health and Human Services.
And they spayed me. Hmmmmph.
------------------------------------------------------
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
"I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother."
I can't read,
I can't write -
and they won't let me talk!"
-------------------------------------------------------
Wacky laws:
Louisiana: It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simpleassault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."
New Mexico: Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public.
Oklahoma: Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed formaking ugly faces at a dog.
Pennsylvania: No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. A special cleaning ordinance bans housewivesfrom hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.
Washington: All lollipops are banned.
------------------------------------------------------
At a nursing home in Miami, Florida, a group of Senior Citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments: "My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,"said one.
"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,"said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,".... another went on.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. Then there was ashort moment of silence.
"Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully."Thank God we can all still drive."
