IT'S STILL A TEMPEST

Sometimes it's hard to get people's attention. This nonsense about the weekend warriors hurt feelings is turning sillier and sillier. The Tempest In A Teapot blog doesn't seem to be waking up the politicians.

Now, one of our Representatives, (The Honorable) Tom Udall, (D. - N.M.) is calling a legitimate Army inspection "unfortunate and degrading and unacceptable".

"This doesn't appear to be the type of behavior that is supportive of our troops."

Well, howdy. In my opinion, the Army has an obligation to make certain that there are no organized gang members wearing an American Army uniform, carrying extremely lethal weapons, in a combat situation. After all, these soldiers are being trained to kill and destroy an enemy. And believe me, Albuquerque has many, many gang members who would appreciate free training in wiping out their enemies.

I remember a quote, imperfectly perhaps, that states "Ceaser's wife must appear to be beyond reproach."

The Army is not an organization that should mollycoddle soldiers. The Army is a respected organization that must have its soldiers obey orders. Armies cannot afford to appear to baby their members. Kowtowing to the poor, hurt feelings of a small group of soldiers is unacceptable to those of us who served our country in war time.

Surely the acting General (Kenny Montoya) of the National Guard Unit knows this. Especially since he is a career military man. He must know, also, that in time of war, orders are given that seem to have relationship to the war. It is up to the field commander to decide what is needed, not to some wanna-be to make decisions that could affect the conduct and outcome of any war.

I have a "what if" that has not been addressed in all this nonsense: What if , madames and sirs, there were, indeed gang members in that detachment? And the military, did, indeed, teach them more efficient and better ways to kill enemies? And they brought these skills home for their gangs to use?

No matter how well the beat cops are trained, they do not receive military training. Superior tactics, proper handling and use of high powered and extremely effective weaponry, tactics, methodology, discipline, and maneuvers, against a normally effective police department, would be effective and lead to gangs running our cities and towns. And the slaughter of some mighty fine police officers.

Please, gentlemen and ladies, think this through before you commit knee jerk reactions.

WHO'S GREEN?

As you may have guessed, I'm a bit of a conservationist. In fact, where outright waste is concerned I have very little trouble in opening my mouth. So I was pretty surprised when what I thought was a typical Internet rumor turned out to have some truth in it. In fact, it turned out to be almost totally true. And it concerns the "creator" of the Internet. There's a link to the story about it. Just click on Who's Green? above. I guess I'd better talk to Terry Tamminen about this. After all, he's a Democrat.

LET'S HAVE A LAUGH

OK, I admit it. Surfing the web is pretty much of daily event here. But on the other hand, when I don't surf I'm usually either pretty sick or on vacation.

I need more hours in the day, too. I'm also hooked on the games I find when surfing. But so is Wild Thing, so she can't tell me to turn off that *(#_*$& machine. Hehehehehe. To be truthful, I've got her doing the same thing. Some times the noise from our games makes me wonder why no one has called the cops on us.

Here's a few funnies I've found on the web:

Wild Thing and I were dining out at a nice restaurant. I overheard the couple at the next table discussing their bill. "Well Mary," said the man, "Near as I can figure, and based on the price of the ham dinner you just ate, we got a hog back on the farm that's worth at least $137,000.

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

On a California freeway: Fine for Littering

On the wall of a British Columbia cleaning service: Able to Do the Worst Possible Job

In a New York jeweler store: Genuine Faux Pearls

In a Kansas City oculist's office: Broken lenses duplicated here

In a Boston fast-food parking lot: Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only

Billboard on Florida highway: If You Can't Read, We Can Help

On the Triborough Bridge in New York: In Event of Air Attack Drive Off Bridge

On a Lockhart, Texas, gas station and minimart: We're out of Rolaids, but we've got gas.

At the basketball court in a Gastonton, North Carolina, YMCA: Anyone caught hanging from the rim will be suspended

On the door of an Ellsworth, Maine, restaurant: The Indian Trading Post will be closed for Yom Kippur

In a Grand Rapids restaurant: Half baked chicken

In a Dayton barbershop: During vacation of owner, a competent hair stylist will be here

On a Jacksonville, Florida, bookstore: Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books

On a library in Marlboro, New Hampshire, honouring Robert Frost: Frost Free Library

Bizarre Sex Laws 1. Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh."

2. In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

3. In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

4. Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

5. The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

6. There are men on Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

7. In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. (The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.)

8. In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

9. In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

10. In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold on the premises."

Dear Dogs and Cats

PET RULES:

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less

2. Don't ask for money all the time

3 Are easier to train

4. Normally come when called

5. Never ask to drive the car

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends

7. Don't smoke or drink

8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions

9. Don't want to wear your clothes

10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

Here's some games to help you waste your time:

http://www.andkon.com/arcade/

TEMPEST IN A TEAPOT

Sometimes we mere mortals get things on a slant instead of straight up. Like our morning newspaper. No, I'm not admitting that they would ever consider deliberately making mountains out of mole hills, but once in a while stuff happens....

This Sunday's paper might illustrate what I'm talking about. But first I ought to explain that I spent four years in the US Navy at one stage of my life. We were taught in boot camp that disobeying an order from a superior could (and probably would) be cause for a general courtsmartial. The only way out of a charge like that would be to go up the chain of command (and pray lot). And they meant it.

Well, it seems some sergeant from Wisconsin (shades of Joe McCarthy) in Iraq accused a company of National Guardsmen (known as "Task Force Cobra") from New Mexico of having "a lot" of gang members in it. He claimed he saw many gang tattoos on the men. So what?

So the commanding officer assembled the company and had them strip to the waist. There were no gang tattoos on any of the men. That should have been a "case closed" decision (which it was as far the investigating officer was concerned).

My guess is that the predominately Hispanic guardsmen were speaking a foreign language in front of the Wisconsin soldier and he got ticked off about it and figured they were talking gang talk. But it didn't end there, as it should have. The New Mexico Adjutant General, Ken Montoya, had been passed over a couple of times while seeking the rank of Brigadier General.

According to the Albuquerque Journal, "one New Mexico soldier complained 'that he didn't feel like an American today' ... another soldier cried ... and ... another soldier said the 'Gestapo-like' tattoo check was the lowest point of his military career."

These quotes made me realize that today's "citizen army" is nothing like the real army. At least not the one I was familiar with. But I was on the kid end of the "Greatest Generation". Those men and women were my heroes. And still are today.

So, if I'm right about the language thing, the guy who "didn't feel like an American" brought it on himself. English is the American language. The soldier who cried because his feelings were hurt? Hardly my definition of a warrior. The soldier talking about "Gestapo-like" behavior? He doesn't appear to know anything about the real Gestapo. It's a catch-phrase to him.

So why is it on the front page? With two jump pages? Well, Adjutant Montoya is not going to get his other star. He will retire eventually with a Colonel's retirement package, not a general's. And since The Albuquerque Journal is a Democrat (please remember I'm a member of that gang) newspaper and backs our Governator for President (which I don't) it just might be possible that this is an attack on Dubya and the Republicans? You reckon?

And a case of self interest? Well, if the Governator decides to enter the primaries here, they stand to get a great many advertising dollars for their newpaper, TV station and radio stations. And three out of three ain't bad.