In order that you may be on the alert for indications that you or members of you family may have
contracted the Swine Flu Virus, you should be aware of the symptoms associated with this disease:
1) Sore throat.
2) Slight headache.
3) Moderate to high temperature.
4) Nausea or upset stomach.
5) A strong urge to have sex in the mud.
The other night, Wild Thing and I were going out. She sat there and put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush and lipstick, then turned to me and said, "Does this look natural?"
David took his blind date to the carnival.
"What wouldyou like to do first, Kim?" asked David.
"I want to get weighed" she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale, it read 117 and they won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, David again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
"I want to get weighed," she responded.
By this time David figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a hand shake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date,"How'd it go?"
Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy!"
Little Hughie was eating breakfast one morning and started thinking about things.
"Mommy, why does daddy have so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother.
"He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.
Johnny thought for a second and asked,"So why do you have so much hair?"
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." -- Herm Albright