Here's some things I found that made (at least) smile. Enjoy.
"Paris Hilton hysteria is starting to die down. I spotted her at LAX wearing a dark wig and a straw hat. She went to Maui. Which is nice because ever since Don died, Hawaii's been looking for a new 'Ho'." - Jimmy Kimmel
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
3. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
6. Healthy appearing decrepit 99 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
7. The patient refused an autopsy.
8. The patient has no past history of suicides.
9. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
10. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our Car for physical therapy.
20. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. 21. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
22. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.