Here's some things I found that made (at least) smile. Enjoy.
"Paris Hilton hysteria is starting to die down. I spotted her at LAX wearing a dark wig and a straw hat. She went to Maui. Which is nice because ever since Don died, Hawaii's been looking for a new 'Ho'." - Jimmy Kimmel
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Doctor's Reports
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
3. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
6. Healthy appearing decrepit 99 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
7. The patient refused an autopsy.
8. The patient has no past history of suicides.
9. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
10. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our Car for physical therapy.
20. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. 21. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
22. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
14 comments:
Cat: I love some of these. We both must have a warped sense of humour
Cat, It's that number 17 observation that has me worried in reverse about my upcoming visit to an ENT. You better believe I will be watching how long those probes are.
Ha Ha... nice ones !!
Do you know we something similar for lawyers as well ?
Hi cuckoo. Ummm, well, most of the things I know about lawyers are unprintable.
I'll see what some of my contacts have.
lin, at the risk of sounding crude, I'll pass on some important information Dad gave me year ago: "Make sure he doesn't have both his hands on your shoulders."
I can't argue that, moose. But Wild Thing only uses her "long suffering" smile on me nowadays.
I thought Mrs. Moose was the only one with a long -suffering smile. Don't it make you feel good.LOL
We must be a trial to our ladies.
I always thought of myself as more of a gift.
Funny moose. I don't think I'll ask how you were wrapped as a present.
I had a big Bow
I didn't ask, but your answer was priceless. I have an extremely active imagination.
We'll leave it there.
OK. Fair enough. ;)
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