Saturday, September 22, 2007

CAT LAWS, TAMMINEN, CANADA AND EMERSON

Don't forget to click the header. Could this be a successful dot com? Cats in Physics Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. Law of Cat Magnetism: All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. Law of Cat Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat. Law of Cat Stretching: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat. Law of Cat Elongation: A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it. Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop. Law of Dinner Table Attendance: Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. Law of Rug Configuration: No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long. Law of Obedience Resistance: A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something. First Law of Energy Conservation: Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. Second Law of Energy Conservation: Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. Law of Refrigerator Observation: If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. Law of Electric Blanket Attraction: Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light. Law of Random Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room. Law of Bag / Box Occupancy: All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. Law of Cat Embarrassment: A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. Law of Furniture Replacement A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. Law of Cat Landing: A cat will always land in the softest place possible. Law of Cat Disinterest: A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. Law of Pill Rejection: Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. Law of Cat Composition: A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter. Look what Tamminen's up to now: http://starbulletin.com/2007/09/21/news/story10.html An anonymous reader writes "Canada has been the home to a growing debate on counterfeiting, with politicians, law enforcement, and copyright lobby groups all pushing for stronger copyright and anti-counterfeiting laws. Writing in the Toronto Star, Michael Geist reports that the claims are based on fatally flawed data. The RCMP, Canada's national police force, has been claiming that counterfeiting costs Canadians $30 billion per year. When pressed on the issue, last week they admitted that the estimate was not based on any original research but rather on 'open source documents found on the Internet.'" For heaven's sake, please don't use facts when opening mouth. "To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."-- Ralph Waldo Emerson You've got to admire him.

13 comments:

just me said...

Beautifully written. I love my cats. Even if they do act like I'm an idiot at times. They may be on to something.

alphonsedamoose said...

Law of Cat Medicine: Cats will always go to the person most allergic to them.
Sometimes we have to wonder about our ARSIEMPI.
I really don't think buying credits work. The pollution is still there.
Emerson certainly had it right my friend.

Lin said...

Ohmigawd ... whoever came up with those cat laws KNEW and was vigorously owned by many, many cats!

Canada is not counterfeiting cats, I hope! I had previously heard that they had a terrible problem with counterfeit moose.

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Actually, it's you I admire, particularly in the way you understand cats.. left me purring. Lovely observations, and oh, so true! (Smile.)

A said...

Hey! Thanks for stopping by! I'm not much of a cat person (which you seem to be), but because of the "Law of Cat Disinterest: A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.", they really seem to like me!

I was house/guinea pig/cat/rabbit sitting for my friend LP lately and their cat, Abner, really wanted to sleep on my face, or my neck, or my chest. It was ok until his joy and pleasure set his cat claws to moving. You know, that slow flexing of their claws into our skin that they do? Yeah, he was relocated!

A

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Hehehe! All ov that is rite abowt cats!

I luv comin to this blog to stroke that blak an wite cat...

:@}

Catmoves said...

My pleasure a. Cat Disinterest is a great fact. Thank you.
That "kneading" the cat does has been said to be related to the kneading they had to do when kittens and wanted to get some mom's milk. Personally I think they do it because they are trying to prove their superiority to us. It doesn't seem to hurt them when they do it to each other.
Relocation works for me, too.

Catmoves said...

b.t.bear(esq), you can download that cat (in two different sizes) for your own web site. Just click on it.

Catmoves said...

lin, thanks for taking the time to comment. (I understand how busy you are.)
Look at a's comment for another law. Hilarious.
I heard that rumor about counterfeit mooses, too. Must be true if you saw it, too.

Catmoves said...

Carol, thank you. A lady purring is a wonderful thing.

Catmoves said...

lin, there's an unwritten law about cats treating humans as second class beings. They recognize the size difference, but can show they are more intelligent by ignoring our ridiculous rules.

Catmoves said...

moose, thanks for the new law. Cats are always going to go to the person who is most afraid of them. It's just another law.
Hey, you finally beat Google. I did a search and it couldn't find anything. The word "ARSIEMPI" defeated them. Congratulations.
Terry seems to think that just teaching industry to cut down its pollution will create better air. I don't know if he's right or wrong. But something's better than nothing?
Smart man, Ralph Waldo.

alphonsedamoose said...

I'm so happy I defeated Google I could almost let out a genuine, not counterfeit Moose Love Call.
UNNGGGGGHHG gahgahgah OOOLLASNORK SNORK SNORK.
Dat's #3 best moose love all. May not be spelled correctly.