Monday, December 3, 2007


Just time for a quickie. Post, that is. And please do not hump the bridge.
OK, that's all the warning you get. Proceed at your own risk. And don't forget to click on the header.
A British mobile technology firm has developed a satellite system to help cell phone users locate the nearest toilet.
SatLav -- named after driving satellite system SatNav -- uses technology similar to the global positioning system to direct users who text the word "toilet" to 80097 to the nearest restroom, The Daily Telegraph reported.
The system is currently only available across 8.5 miles of London's Westminister area but could be spread to other regions if it is successful.
Robert Thurner, commercial director of SatLav developer Incentivated, said the technology is aimed at "making residents' lives easier."
"From today onwards nobody should get caught short again, and we understand how important that is, be it for a young mum with children in tow, older people or friends on a shopping trip or a night out," said Westminster councilor Alan Bradley. And Wild Thing wants to move to London, now.
How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go? Well?
Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?--
Francois de La Rochefoucauld. See? The French can get things right.
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
She asked if it was dead or alive.
"Dead," she was informed.
"How do you know?", she asked.
"Because I pissed in his ear and it didn't move," said the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?!?", the teacher squealed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and said 'pssst' and he didn't move." No comment.
Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post.
"Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have himtrained in no time."
I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained"our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.
The cat learned quickly.
For the next 16 years, whenever hewanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa. Be careful what you ask for.
People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." See there?
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and started thinking about things.
"Mommy, why does daddy have so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother.
"He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.
Johnny thought for a second and asked,"So why do you have so much hair?" Think fast, lady.
I decided to stop worrying about my Wild Thing's driving and take advantage of it.
I got one of those bumperstickers that say, "How's my driving?" and put a 900 number on it.
At 50 cents a call, I've been making $38 a week. Shhh. Don't tell her.
Children Are A Wonder ! Love this site.
She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.He walked in, she turned and said,"You've got to make love to me this very moment."
His eyes lit up and he thought "This is my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all, right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said, "Thanks" and returned to the stove. More than a little puzzled, he asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained "The egg timer is broken." Please note: No names are used.
Can't beat this new bumpersticker sentiment;
In a cafeteria : "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria."
(hand-written underneath) ~"Socks can eat any place they want."


alphonsedamoose said...

You have some great one-liners in this one. I think you just told your wife about the 900 yourself.

Catmoves said...

Thanks moose. Yep. I hope she doesn't cut off this source of income.

katy said...

thanks for the visit.
love your sense of humour very funny post!

TomCat said...

LOL, catmoves!! Thanks for the QuerkeyQuickies! :-)

Catmoves said...

Hi, katy. Glad you liked them.

Catmoves said...

You're welcome Tomcat. Everyone should enjoy a quickie once in a while.

dot said...

Very funny post!
Thanks for visiting my blog today.

Catmoves said...

Thank you, dot. Humor is sometimes what it's all about. I enjoyed your blog, too.

Lin said...

Wow, that cat scratching-retraining thing was taken right from Mark's family's manual of pet training!!! I got tired of saying "Do you know what you're really teaching those critters to do?" Sigh

Catmoves said...

lin, way too many people expect their animal pets to reason as humans do. 1. That ain't natural.
2. Always consider what might happen if you teach your pet a cute "trick" like jumping up to greet you. Especially if he applies that trick to an octogenarian who has enough difficulty standing with the help of a cane.