New Definitions To Learn
- TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns redwhen your car approaches.
- PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen,and the majority have no idea what's happened.
- SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut.
- SALESMAN -- man with ability to convince wife she'd lookfat in mink.
- EGOCENTRIC -- a person who believes he is everything youknow you are.
- FOREIGN FILM -- any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn't a western.
- OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.
- BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself."
- TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.
Here's a shocker: http://hubpages.com/hub/Funny-Pictures-Animals-at-Large
Linda and Mary were up in the far north woods, out looking for a Christmas tree. They were all bundled up from head to toe, carrying their hatchets and a coil of rope to tie on and drag it back.
They had thought of everything. They were all set, but they couldn't find the right tree.
They searched for hours, slogging through knee-deep snow. The wind was blowing and the wolves were howling, but they persevered. Had to get that Christmas tree.
Finally, as the sun was beginning to head downward, one turned to theother and said, "That's it! I've had enough! The next tree we come to, we're going to cut it down, whether it's got lights on it or not!"
A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears.
"Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grandmother's meat loaf for dinner tonight, and it's just awful! I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right because it's the one you gave me. But it just didn't come out right, and I'm so upset. I wanted this to be so special for George because he loves meat loaf. What could have gone wrong?"
Her mother replied soothingly, "Well, dear, let's go through the recipe. You read it out loud and tell me exactly what you did at each step, and together we'll figure it out."
"OK," the bride sniffled. Well, it starts out, " Take fifty cents worth of ground beef . . . "
Bizarre December Holidays
- December 21 is
- Look At The Bright Side Day,
- National Flashlight Day,
- National French Fried Shrimp Day,
- Hamburger Day
- December 22 is National Date-Nut Bread Day
- December 23 is Roots Day
- December 24 is National Egg Nog Day
- December 25 is National Pumpkin Pie Day
- December 26 is National Whiners Day
- December 27 is National Fruitcake Day
- December 28 is Card Playing Day and National Chocolate Day
- December 29 is Pepper Pot Day
- December 30 is Festival Of Enormous Changes At The Last Minute and National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day
- December 31 is Unlucky Day
I'm a fan of December 24....