Sunday, June 3, 2007

HAVE SOME SMILES

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The real reason we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse ...you cannot post "Thou shalt not steal", "Thou shalt not commit adultery" and "Thou shalt not bear false witness" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment!
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Moose was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning,I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 250in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"
The next morning Moose got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough, there was a gift-wrapped box in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.She opened it and found a brand new heavy duty bathroom scale.
Moose has been missing since Friday.
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KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO..
Alabama: Hell Yeah, We Have Electricity.
Alaska11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!Arizona: Yeah, But It's A Dry Heat.
Arkansas: Lituracy Ain't Everythang.
California: By 30, Our Women Have MorePlastic Than Your Honda.
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts , only smaller.
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids And Our Voting Skills.
Georgia: We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru(Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes...Well, Okay, We're Not, But ThePotatoes Sure Are Real Good. Illinois: Please, Don't Pronounce the "S".
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free.
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn.
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States.
Kentucky: Five Million People;Fifteen Last Names.
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign.
Maine: We're Really Cold, But WeHave Cheap Lobster.
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It.
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden 's And OurSenators Are More Corrupt!Michigan: First Line Of Defense Against The Canadians.
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10 Zillion Mosquitoes.
Mississippi: Come visit And Feel Better About Your Own State.
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work:
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wingCrazies, and Honest Elections!Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest.
Nevada: Hookers and Poker.
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone.
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Your ##$%##! Motto Right here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets.
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney...And No Right To Self Defense!
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable.
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States,
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan.
Oklahoma: Like The Play, But No Singing.
Oregon: Spotted Owl. It's What's For Dinner.
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal.
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island.
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet.
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota.
Tennessee: Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum.
Texas: Se Hable Ingles.
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus.
Vermont: Too liberal for the Kennedy's.
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slack jawed Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Our Governor can out-fraud your Governor.
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family...Really.
Wisconsin: Come Cut the Cheese.
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared. Home of Brokeback Mtn.
The District of Columbia: The Work-Free Drug Place !
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The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-yearold son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
"An Ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike!"
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"" "
Jason is on his skate board...."
After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having Sex!"
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously calledout,
"How do you know they are having sex?"
" Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."
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13 comments:

alphonsedamoose said...

Cat: Love the Moose joke. Who told you?

Catmoves said...

Mmmmmmmmmm, uhhh, I don't think I 'd better tell you. Have a nice time while we're gone. Leavin' tomorrow a.m.

Lin said...

Drats, I missed the Bon Voyage. Hope the trip is wonderful! Loved the one about the kid on the balcony with the Popsicle, too.

Peter Chen said...

Hi Catmoves,

Dropping by to let you know I finally responded to your comment in my post Backing up and changing New Blogger template. Unfortunately, I think the response will not be too satisfactory.

Peter (Blog*Star 2006 and 2007)
Blogger Tips and Tricks

Peter Chen said...

Hi Catmoves,

Regarding the response to your comment, I have figured out what made the script I want to show not display. I have made a second comment in response to your comment.

Peter (Blog*Star 2006 and 2007)
Blogger Tips and Tricks

YesBut said...

Hi Catmoves
Thanks for making your contribution to YesBut’s Images. Your captions have been superb. The first think I do every morning is to read the captions - it’s a great way to start the day.

You might have seen on my blog that I have started a new competition, inviting visitors to YesBut’s Images to vote on the best caption.

I gave long thought on whether to start the competition. There were +vs. and -vs.

-vs. - each caption is good, and there shouldn’t be any differentiation between one and another.
+vs. - it might encourage more people to participate, and it gives visitors to the site the opportunity to make a contribution, even if they might not want to submit a caption.

So let’s see how it goes.

I hope you will continue to post your captions. I’m also asking a big favour, will you please, through your blog, encourage your readers to post captions, AND towards the end of next week encourage them to vote.

p.s.

I am going to start another web site. NO! NO! NOT ANOTHER! Yes another which will be dedicated just to posting each week’s winning caption.

Catmoves said...

Lin, somehow I knew you'd like the popsicle joke. And thank you for nice thoughts. Putting short version of trip on site, today.

Catmoves said...

Peter, I have to leave this page to check out your links. Thank you for your efforts and I'll be visiting your pages soon.

Catmoves said...

Hi Yesbut. Thank you for your kind words. I'll be glad to help any way I can. Looking forward to yet another new web site from you.

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Jesus, is nothing sacred? You leave us Coopers, in our private moments, alone! (And tell your damned kid to, too.)

I laughed myself senseless reading the State mottos - wonder what you could pen for the Isle of Man??

Lin said...

Okay, Catmoves, we know you're home now. Don't care if you are suffering from Jetta lag or something ... new blog post is overdue!
H-e-r-e kitty, kitty, k-e-e-e-t-t-y! (I learned this invaluable cat attention-getter from the Katlady)

alphonsedamoose said...

So , where' the new blog? Lin is going to bug you too. LOL

Catmoves said...

Lin and Alphonse, my apologies. And laughs. On the other hand, we've had a series of mini electrical storms and I'm concerned that being knocked off line four times in the last three days is gonna bugger up me computer. Howsomever, Windows XP seems to be standing up to the strain.