Thursday, June 28, 2007

HERE'S SOME LIGHTER STUFF

http://www.bentbay.dk/need_a_truck.htm http://www.bentbay.dk/alle_eng.htm ] ~ Children Are A Wonder ~ Trying To Dress An Active Child Is Like Trying To Thread A Sewing Machine While It's Running. There Are Two Things A Child Is Willing To Share. Communicable Diseases, And Their Mother's Age. Cleaning Your House While The Kids Are At Home Is Like Trying To Shovel The Driveway During A Snowstorm. Kids Really Brighten A Home. They Never Turn Of Any Lights. An Alarm Clock Is For People Who Don't Have Any Small Kids. Shouting To Make Your Child Obey Is Like Using The Horn To Steer Your Car. Lastly, Any Child Will Tell You The Sole Purpose Of Their Middle Name Is So They Can Tell When They Are Really In Trouble. Almost a third of young adults in the UK would prefer, if given the choice, to give up sex rather than their mobile phone, according to a survey conducted as part of the Mobile Life forum. Mobile Life is a joint initiative of The Carphone Warehouse and the London School of Economics (LSE). The survey of 1256 adults aged 16 to 64 was carried out by Ipsos-Mori during May 11 to 14. The research showed that almost a third (30%) of young adults aged between16-24 would prefer, if given the choice, to give up sex, chocolate, alcohol and hot drinks than their mobile phone. In comparison, an overwhelming 28% of those aged 25-34 singled sex out as the one thing they wouldn't want to give up for a month (seems that Generation Y still have a lot to learn from Generation X). Overall almost two thirds of those questioned (63%) also believe that a mobile phone is ‘vital to maintaining their quality of life.' This figure rose to 77% amongst those aged 16-24. In stark contrast, under half (48%) of those aged over 55 agreed with the statement. The survey also reaffirmed that mobile phones have become a social must have, with 76% of those questioned feeling that ‘it is now a social requirement to have a mobile phone'. Those aged 16-24 are pioneering the notion that being contactable at any time is a must in today's society; an overwhelming 92% agreed with the statement. Although once seen a techie gadget for men, the rise of fashion phones has made women more likely to agree that mobile phones are a social requirement, at 81% compared with 71% of men. The survey confirmed something that we all already know, that the British truly are eccentric, well actually, stark raving mad, with a staggering 1 in 3 people saying that they would not give up their mobile phone for a million pounds or more. A million pounds is almost US$2 million. Like, hello, I'd give up sex, chocolate, alcohol, hot drinks AS WELL AS my mobile phone for US$2 million. Mad dogs and English men... Cat owners can now see what their pet gets up to once theygo through the flap. It follows the launch of 'cat cam' by a German inventor, reports the Daily Mail. J├╝rgen Perthold, who lives in America, attached his light-weight camera to the collar of his tom cat Mr Lee. "I wanted to find out what he gets up to, where he spends his days," Mr Perthold said. "He goes out the whole day, sometimes he returns hungry sometimes not, sometimes with traces of fights, sometimes he also stays out all night. It gave me the idea to equip the cat with a camera. "The camera takes one photo a minute for 48 hours and has revealed that the chubby tabby has the hots for a neighbouring feline, although he is in contention withanother black tom. Mr Lee spends much of his time exploring the undergrowth, looking longingly up at bird feeders and meeting other moggies under parked cars. The camera weighs 70 grams including the batteriesand Mr Perthold said it didn't give his cat any problems. He wrote his own software to control the camera and perfected the design. He is now selling his invention for $30 in the US. (And I'll bet I know a couple of people who will tell me what they would call this invention?) If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with. When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person drives a race car not called a racist? Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one? "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men? I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me . . .they're cramming for their finals. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? Why do they put pictures of criminals up In the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail? If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. No one ever says, "It's only a game", when their team is winning. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? Do you think that, if I played a blank tape at full blast, mimes would go nuts? If a cow laughed really hard, would milk come out her nose? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

7 comments:

alphonsedamoose said...

Cat:I've read these somewhere before.LOL

Catmoves said...

Yeah, but I thought the truck photos were hilarious.

alphonsedamoose said...

they are

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

OOooh! Where did you find them?? And lay off us Brits, you bounder, we're not ALL barking mad. I REFUSE to carry a mobile 'phone, with four kids, I DON'T WANT to be tracked down. My family regularly buys one for me, which I promptly lose/donate/murder. I know how to reach anyone if I want to, that's more than enough for me..

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

ps. I want to get me a couple of those cameras, it would help to discover which cat keeps shitting in the bath..

Lin said...

Dear Kitty,
Glad you mentioned the truck links in your comment reply because I missed them completely the first time. You know ... sigh ... the compleat Luddite strikes again.

Catmoves said...

Shrink I really am not sure where this came from. Will do some search and try to let you know. And of course not all Brits are mad. I met one of the sane ones, oh, somewhere around 1979 I think it was.
I once threatened a friend about his cell with the remark "Why don't you let me clean that thing for you? I'm on my way to the loo anyway."