SOMETIMES I GET LAZY

My oldest cat asked if she could write this post. Herewith: I had run across the term cyber sex a few times lately, so I decided to try to figure out what it meant. I figured it had something to do with the computer, so I tried to find the sex drive on mine. I looked everywhere, in all the folders on My Computer, the Add/Uninstall software, install hardware part of the control panel, then I got out all the manuals and went through them. I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not equipped with one. So I decided to go to the computer store to see if I could buy one. Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern looking woman. I gave her the make and model of my computer and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock. She kinda scowled at me and asked if I was trying to get smart with her. Then she said, rather rudely I thought, that she could not help me and walked away. Huh, must not have had any in stock. In the second store, the sales guy kind of sniggered and asked if I meant a hard drive. I thought about it for a minute and told him, 'Yeah, maybe that, but I think I already have one installed'. He started laughing and said something about me killing him. 'You're killing me'-- like that, and walked away. Hmmm, must be out of stock here, too. The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if I'd fallen off the turnip truck. I assured him I'd never been on a turnip truck but I had fallen off the wagon a few times. He said that explains it and walked away laughing. The guy in the fourth store said something like 'idiot'under his breath and walked away. Anyway, I figured they must not carry them in stores, maybe I needed to order from a catalogue or something. That's where I am now. So, if any of you have some computer skills and could help me locate my sex drive, I would appreciate it. _________________________________________________________ Canadian Moose? BROOMFIELD, Colo. (UPI) -- An auto dealership in Colorado had an unusual visitor cruise the aisles of automobiles --an 800-pound moose. Eric Erbsland - sales manager at the Sill-TerHar'sFord-Lincoln-Mercury dealership in Bloomfield - said no one wanted to confront the animal after it was discovered lost among the cars last week, The Rocky Mountain News reported. "He started out at our service department, then ran all the way through, past every single new car, then pulled a U-Turn and ran right at us," said Erbsland. "That's when we ran. "The moose eventually was stopped with tranquilizer darts and moved into a horse trailer - with the help of a frontend loader. Before the male yearling awoke, it was relocated to a park hundreds of miles away and was allowed to wander free. The moose had to cross several roads to get to the car dealership, the newspaper said. ______________________________________________________ Cats are smarter than dogs. You cannot get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. ______________________________________________________ A Kiwi was hoping to immigrate to Australia. Upon arriving inAustralia, he was questioned by a customs officer, "What is your business in Australia?" "I wish to immigrate," was the Kiwi's reply. The customs officer then asked, "Do you have a conviction record?" Confused, the Kiwi then replied, "I didn't think you still needed one." _______________________________________________________ I will not answer questions if you click on the header. _______________________________________________________ Grandparents are similar to a piece of string ~handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of grandchildren.... _______________________________________________________ "So, Alphonse, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?""Yep," Alphonse shook his head. "Whenever I mention sex, they object." _____________________________________________________ Prisoners rioted at a jail in New Mexico after being told they would be allowed only one sausage each at dinner. Inmates of the Lee County Prison started fires, broke toilets and smashed windows, reports the Hobbs News Sun. Officials said the prisoners began yelling and banging on their doors in what they described as a "temper tantrum." Officers from the Lea County Sheriff's and Hobbs Police departments were called in to restore control, and the jail was locked down after the incident. Warden Jann Gartman said 33 prisoners were involved in the disturbance. The remaining 300-plus prisoners at the jail accepted the meal without incident, authorities said.