WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT?

Ah, peace and contentment. Be sure to click the header, please.

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The old grouch here is feelin' pretty mellow and relaxed right now.

In spite of the VA insisting I can't see my Doctor until January.

In spite of the seeming crookedness of our local politicians.

In spite of all the dangerous and ugly things going on in this world.

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I've been smoodging (I think I made that word up...but I bet you can figure out what I meant.) around the Internet today.

Visited a number of sites, went to check up on Microsoft's latest screw ups, downloaded a couple of freebie programs (I don't love downloading them, just trying them out) and removed a couple of oldies that I don't use. Saw some cute things, some nostalgic things, some things that brought back old time Christmas's to me.

Here's a web site I would really like you to visit and interact with: http://ecard.ashland.edu/2004admission/index.html

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It was sent to me by, of all things, a churchie site where I had left a comment. I don't normally visit this kind of site, but for some reason I found myself there a few days ago. I'm glad I did, now.

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I found this quote:

All you need is love.

But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

~ Charles M. Schultz

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I wonder if the approaching season is getting to me?

After all, I've had a lot of Christmases. And presents. And giving. And enjoyment. And great music. I remember the fun and the food and the football and some of the conversations, too.

I come from what was once a large family, but inevitable time and death and distance have broken us apart from each other. We phone various members during the season, but it's too difficult to get together, physically, with them now.

Perhaps Christmas is really meant to be a time of remembering. A time to chuckle over jokes and pranks we pulled on our loved ones.

I can remember when the girls were teens and just as obnoxious as any other youngster. I remember threatening them with something like "Keep that up and you'll get a lump of coal for Christmas." More than once.

While shopping for presents, I wandered into a candy store and LO! there before me, in their glass case were wonderful pieces of licorice made to resemble large lumps of coal.

Yes, I bought them. Yes, the girls were given them as their first (and supposedly only) present and it was fun. Laughter and joy throughout the house. Daddy had struck back.

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Canada has lots of great scenery and many good people. They also have a chain of coffee shops called Tim Horton's. Here's a story I found about them:

Tim Hortons are Canada's favorite donut shops and there are even some in Afghanistan for the Canadian troops there.

Because of the high quality donuts and excellent coffee, they are also a favorite place for police to have their brief lunch and coffee breaks. Whenever you see more than three police cars in the same parking lot in Canada, it is usually either a police station or a Tim Hortons. Imagine the crush at this time of year.

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A lady picked up several items at a Dollar Store here. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.

Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear,"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE."

That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax"for "Thumbtacks."

In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

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Of course, we never forget our cats at Christmas. An interactive toy, a bag of treats (handed out judicially) and petting and rough housing. Which brings me to this observation:

Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night and when they're home, they like to be left alone and sleep.

In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

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One day a little boy on a ranch here woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother said, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores."

Ticked off, the boy goes out to do his chores.

When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it.

When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken.

When he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig.

When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy.

His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!"

Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat.

The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I?"

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And here's a letter from a New Mexico warrior defending our freedom:

Dear Ma and Pa:

Am well. Hope you are.

Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch. Tell them to join up quick before all the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. (but am getting so I like to sleep late.

All you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things --no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

The guys have to shave, but they say it is not bad in warm water, and after I thumped a few of them, they don't tell nobody about why I don't need to shave.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham steak, fried eggplant, pie and regular food, but you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee.

Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed.

It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on"route marches," which, the Sgt. says, are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is a casual stroll about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys all get sore feet and we ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.

The Sgt. is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Captain is like the school board. Kernels. and Generals just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why, the bull's-eye is near big as a chipmonk and don't move and it ain't shooting at you, like the Higsett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it, you don'teven load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer and Mary to hurry and join before others get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter, Pat

BILL RICHARDSON HAS STRANGE HAIR

Among things I can't explain, including this picture, is the governator of New Mexico.

He was on yet another television"debate" amongst Democratic wanna be candidates for the job of President. And he looked fat and puffy and unkempt. I suspect that look was created by his campaign manager.

No self respecting man would want to look as if he'd forgotten how to comb his hair and didn't know how to wear clothes properly. I have a lot of trouble equating his appearance with the idea that he was an Ambassador (or some such) to various foreign countries.

In any case the subject of illegal aliens was bruited about and Bill (who begged for a fence across the N. M. border a little while back) now doesn't want one. Personally I think the environmentalists got to him and pointed out that various wild life (not including Mexican fiestas) had to cross the border or become extinct. He didn't think about fencing the worst holes for human entry in border security. Nah. Just don't do it at all. I agree with the stupidity of the fence all along the border. We are not East Germany. I do, however, think that the well worn and constantly used trails (by illegals) should have some kind of fence. It might help the border guards narrow the entry way through the Rio Grande River. (Now you know why they're called "wets" by the ranchers here.)

Bill seems to think that all we need to do is hire an army of border patrol guards and that'll keep them out. Oh, yeah, he also wants more and more "sophisticated" electronic detection tools. I kid you not. The numbers, costs, support units, etc., etc., have not occurred to him. Maybe he'll start a national lottery to cover expenses? Maybe he'll go on fund raisers?

My guess about the number of human American bodies needed goes into the millions. The cost of this "plan" of his is terrifying. Hell, Bush's war would look bargain basement cheap to us.

He alo supports giving driver's licenses to illegals. He claims that way they'll have insurance and every thing will be hunky dory. I have no idea if he wants to teach them to read and write before they take the driver's written test. (The vast majority, I read on another site, can neither read nor write any language, much less English.) In Mexico, the government wants everybody who drives a vehicle insured. In actual fact, it ain't happening. And I can guarantee their insurance is a whole lot cheaper than ours. Oh, did you know that if you drive your car into Mexico you need a written statement from your insurance company that the policy is valid in Mexico? Yep. You get to pay extra for that coverage.

Speaking of paying extra for car insurance, we had to pay an extra $100 a year a while back so we would be protected from "uninsured" motorists. There are lots of illegals driving without insurance now. Lots of them.

Bill wants to be known as the "Education President". Now, I think he should have kept his mouth shut on that one. The drop out rate in N.M. is right around 40%. Yessiree. Four out of every ten children don't finish even the push courses offered in High School. Or bother to attend school and get a worthless "No Child Left Behind" diploma. That's something Bill should remove from his platform.

Another troublesome thing about him is his stance on the "Pakistan problem". He wants to cut off all American aid to Pakistan until they do something about the terrorist cells there. Now, the very word "terrorist" raises our hackles, our anger levels and creates a feeling of hatred among Americans. He says they are a small group and it should be easy for the Pakistani government to get rid of them. I guess he figures that America should blackmail any government with which he doesn't agree. I also guess that he has learned nothing from history. When the Nazi Party started in Germany, they were a small terrorist group. America put trade restrictions into action. Hitler's party got a lot of mileage out of that. It helped them to grow. And we know what happened then. Bill apparently did not get A's in American history.

A surprise under the header.

OBSERVATIONS AND STUFF

There's a special link in the header.

And there should be after putting this picture here. What do the people in the truck do if they have to go the bathroom in a hurry?

If they jump, they're likely to break a leg. Climbing down one of those tires looks like an athletic feat that should be reserved for gymnasts. Do you suppose they frantically scream at the station attendant to fetch a ladder? Maybe they have a rope ladder in the cab? Maybe they have parachutes?

This was sent to me by an Australian correspondent (no, it wasn't David) and he refuses to answer any questions.

I'd be afraid my nose would bleed from the altitude of the cab.

I might (note: might) offer a prize for the best answer. Yeah, first prize is one week in Espanola, second prize is two weeks in Espanola.

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I've come up with a sort of slogan for the environmentalists (sent it to Terry Tamminen already):

It is not a question of whether you can afford to drive a gas guzzler. It is a question of whether the human race can afford you driving it.

It's free for quoting. Big deal.

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MILAN, Italy — Can't get to Milan to see Leonardo Da Vinci's masterpiece "The Last Supper?"

As of Saturday, all you need is an Internet connection.

Officials put online an image of the "Last Supper" at 16 billion pixels — 1,600 times stronger than the images taken with the typical 10 million pixel digital camera. The high resolution will allow experts to examine details of the 15th century wall painting that they otherwise could not — including traces of drawings Leonardo put down before painting. • Click here to see 'The Last Supper' in high definition.

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Don't fool with Aussies

SYDNEY (AFP) - A tourist who was attacked by a crocodile while swimming in an Australian river was so drunk that he fell asleep at his campsite before going to hospital for treatment, a report said Friday. Matt Martin was camping in an area of the northeastern state of Queensland known to be inhabited by crocodiles when he drank what he later described as "half a slab" -- or 12 cans of beer. When he dived into the river at Cow Bay in the topical far north of the state, he landed on a crocodile. After a brief wrestling match with the reptile, Martin emerged with gashes on his face requiring 40 stitches, The Australian newspaper reported. Admitting his face was "pretty messed up" when he went back to his campsite, Martin, 35, from Newcastle city north of Sydney, then slept for seven hours before seeking medical help. His injuries were so bad that when he finally did make it to hospital, he was holding a blanket to his face to stop the bleeding, the newspaper said. Crocodiles inhabit most of the waterways in northern Australia and although attacks on humans are rare, they are potentially very dangerous and numbers have increased in recent years due to official protection after fears they might be wiped out by hunters.

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When is it bad luck to see a black cat?

=^,,^= When you're a mouse.

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A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror.

He asks, "What are you doing?"

She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old."

The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?"

She replied, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."

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A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.

"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right."

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Ever wonder what happens when you leave your computer on overnight?

Does it just sit idle until the screen saver kicks in?

That's what you want to believe. But now MASO Digital Studio has captured proof of the secret life of your desktop icons in a Flash clip. View the animation

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Florida Poll

The latest telephone poll, taken by the Florida Governor's office, asked people who live in Florida whether they think illegal immigration is a serious problem:

29% of respondents answered: ''Yes, it is a serious problem."

71% of respondents answered: "No, es una problema seriosa."

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Moose was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife was really angry.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning Moose got up early and left for work.

When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a gift-wrapped box in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new heavy duty bathroom scale.

Moose has been missing since Friday.

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Everything here has been brought to you by your friend Schotzy.

He had fish for dinner. I didn't get any of it except the smell.

THE WARRIOR...THE VETERAN

He didn't really want to go to war.

He had a good job that paid him almost $35 a week. He could afford to buy a car (used), he could afford to get married and have a family. Perhaps within five or six years he'd be able to buy a house and raise his own vegetables and fruit. His wife could harvest and can these goodies and they'd have enough to get through the winter and share with their neighbors.

After all, his boss liked his work and he might get a couple of raises by then.

He enjoyed listening to the radio, dancing, reading the newspaper and playing cards and Monopoly with his friends and family.

He played softball and hardball in the summer, went ice skating in the winter. It wasn't any trouble to walk to the city park for these free things. After all, it was only five blocks. And he liked to play his trumpet (although Mom didn't to want hear it in the early morning).

He knew about the war in Europe, but that was their problem and they should solve it themselves. Europe was an ocean away, after all.

One winter Sunday morning, after he had eaten breakfast and read the newspaper (comics first), his Dad, as usual, turned on the radio to hear a newscast.

What? What did that announcer say? Something about a place called, um, Pearl Harbor, wherever that was.

The family listened, intently now, as they heard about a vicious sneak attack on an American Naval Base. Death and destruction rained down on a peaceful island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.

The newscaster told of fires, ships being sunk, bodies of Americans floating in the roiling, oil covered waters. Of civilians, as well as service men, strafed by airplanes.

The newsman's voice was relatively calm, although it broke in mid sentence many times, and he could hear the tension, the horror, the almost disbelief, as the man's voice filled the silent kitchen.

His older brother's eyes met his. Without a word they agreed that they would have to do something about this ghastly event.

He didn't see the look that passed between his mother and father. His two sisters were in shock.

They all listened in silence for aother half hour. His father spoke. "It's time to get ready for church." Silently they all got up and prepared for the service. Shaving, he thought about, but could not voice his outrage and anger. That would come later.

At church, the congregation chattered among themselves until the preacher asked them, several times to be silent.

He apologized for changing the scheduled sermon and asked all of to join him in singing "For Those In Peril On The Sea". After the song, he asked the assemblage to pray for those who had been wounded or killed in the cowardly attack. And then he asked them to pray for those who would fight in the inevitable war.

The young man didn't really hear anything else the preacher said. He could only see the redness of pure fury. His mind locked on killing those weasel Japs.

The only Japanese he knew had a fruit and vegetable store a block from his home. He didn't consider them enemies. Hell, they were friends and neighbors and Americans.

When the family arrived home, his other two brothers, their wives and two other sisters were waiting in the living room. They hadn't needed keys. Mom and Dad rarely locked the front door when they went out, except at night when they went to bed. The four young men (well, Earl was 36 and Albert was 30) spoke for a long time about enlisting in the army and fighting Japs.

Mom and Dad didn't want them to go to war. They were afraid for their children.

But all four of them stood in the enlistment office line the next day.

The eldest son, Earl, was told he would not be accepted because he was a machinist and would be needed to help make the weapons of war. The next (Albert), was told he wouldn't be accepted because he was needed in his executive position in City Hall. The two youngest were accepted immediately.

Of these two, one would be killed over Germany when the bomber he was piloting was destroyed. The youngest one taken prisoner by the German Army and managed to survive imprisonment. He died sixty years later.

One of the sisters joined the women's Army Corps and was honorably discharged after the war ended.

Two of the other sisters went to work in defense plants and the other raised a fine group of children (seven plus one adopted).

To my loyal, American loving forebears, I salute you on your day.

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I watched the Arlington Cemetery ceremony on TV this morning. The Presidential Seal was conspicuous on podium. George W. Bush did not show up for it. Remember him? The guy whose daddy got him out of a shooting war. Richard Cheney stood in for him.

I am disgusted with Dubya.

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There a couple of poems by men who were at Pearl Harbor in the header.

PEEKABOO

Hi all. It's me, Schotzy again. The two legged cat went to have a nap and I've taken over. That'll teach him.

The Bet:

Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive, the two fathers make a bet to see a year from then which family has become more Americanized.

A year later they meet again and the first man says "My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud. How about you?"

The second man replies, "Fuck off, Raghead!".

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THIEF ACCEPTS INVITATION

A thief has stolen a book titled "Steal this Book" from a modern art exhibition in Switzerland. The organisers of the Basel Shift Festival have decided not to report the theft to the police yet, and hope the thief will return the book. The book with the words "Steal this Book" emblazoned across its cover had been placed in an incubator by artists from the Viennese artist's group Ubermorgen. A spokesman for the artists said: "The central part of the work was a book with the title 'Steal this Book' as a way of representing in art an internet hacking operation that made entire books readable on amazon.com, instead of just single pages. "It was an attempt to praise those that fought for the right for literary freedom, and not an invitation to steal the book." The book was written by Abbie Hoffman in 1970 and published in 1971, and includes advice on growing marijuana, starting a pirate radio station, living in a commune, stealing food, shoplifting, stealing credit cards, making pipe bombs, and obtaining a free buffalo from the US Department of the Interior. Many bookstores refused to carry the book, because so many patrons followed the advice of the book's title and stole it.

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Here's a recipe I found. Enjoy:

http://www.kristianhoffman.com/kitty-litter.htm

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I remember doing this when I was a kitten...and again last week.

http://www.livevideo.com/video/trigirl/24D735D4DE2C4928B20C4EC39AA9F60A/killer-cat-in-vicious-combat-w.aspx

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I found this on Halloween but forgot to put it in my post then. If you wait until it's loaded, then put your cursor on the names you'll get some surprises.

http://www.grumpkins.com/gallery.php

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Sometimes you will cry, and no one will see your tears.

Sometimes you will laugh, and no one will see you smile.

Sometimes you will fear, and no one will see you shudder.

Sometimes you will fall, and no one sees you struggle.

Sometimes you will be late, and no one seems to notice

But fart just one time...

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News for humans:

Administering birth control pills and other contraceptives to middle school students has been approved at a Portland, Maine, school.

The Portland School Committee voted 7-2 Wednesday night to allow King Middle School's health center to offer the services to students, most of whom are between 11 and 13, WCSH-TV, Portland, reported.

The issue arose after five girls reported being sexually active last year. Under the arrangement, parents would have to sign a consent form to allow treatment at the school's health center but, based on doctor-patient confidentiality, wouldn't be notified of any contraceptives administered.

The school has provided condoms to students since 2000, the Portland Press Herald reported. The vote makes King the first middle school in Maine to make a full range of contraception available to students in grades 6 to 8, said Nancy Birkhimer, director of teen health programs for the Maine Department of Health and Human Services.

And they spayed me. Hmmmmph.

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A little girl had just finished her first week of school.

"I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother."

I can't read,

I can't write -

and they won't let me talk!"

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Wacky laws:

Louisiana: It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simpleassault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."

New Mexico: Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public.

Oklahoma: Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed formaking ugly faces at a dog.

Pennsylvania: No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. A special cleaning ordinance bans housewivesfrom hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.

Washington: All lollipops are banned.

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At a nursing home in Miami, Florida, a group of Senior Citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments: "My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,"said one.

"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,"said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,".... another went on.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. Then there was ashort moment of silence.

"Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully."Thank God we can all still drive."

THINGS THAT MYSTIFY ME

Once in a while I get stuck on my own questions. The thing behind the header is one such item.

Others follow.

• I have a difficult time understanding how Yale University (a prestigious and expensive school here in the U.S.) could give a degree to a student who can barely make coherent sentences when he speaks. Does Yale care that they have lost their prestige with many of the American public?
• When did MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) lose its way? They were started by a lady who was grieving for her lost daughter, killed by a drunken driver. The idea was to force law enforcement officers and judges (more on that in another post) throughout the country to enforce the laws against drunk driving. It has degenerated into an organization that wants every single vehicle (we have more cars than people here) to have an ignition interlock installed and working. With a no start feature if it detects that glass of wine you had with dinner two hours ago. They want cars impounded of those who get a ticket (for the first or fortieth offense) and sold at auction. And driver's licenses cancelled if you're arrested. Not convicted, just arrested. Mad's actions have become so Zero Tolerance centered that the lady who started and was president of the organization has resigned. My question is "wha' happened"?
• American television has become an advertising first, entertainment and education second, medium. In spite of a Federal Communications Commission no-no note, shows now consist of at least 35% advertising. That's over 12 minutes of being harangued in a 30 minute show, 23 minutes in an hour, untold number of minutes in a sporting event. Some "networks" run print ads over the show they are telecasting so you can be entertained by a full hour of ads. It is very distracting. I've timed some of the ads run during various shows and I guess it depends on how much time their sales people can peddle on a given show. If a citizen complains they love to point out that advertising pays for the "free" television they watch. One network president even said that mute buttons should be removed from TVs. His reasoning indicated that we would be stealing the shows if we didn't watch the commercials. I don't watch the pointless and inane "comedy" shows nor the cruel "sports" shows nor do I watch the thousand and one "infomercials" they display. Question: Isn't it time the FCC started enforcing their own guidelines?
• When did the U.S. decide it was ok to buy food from foreign countries? When we produce more food than we can consume, sell to the rest of the world and even pay farmers not to grow food it seems this action is an oxymoron. And food from certain unnamed (by me) foreign countries who are not known to practice American style hygeine. Don't say it's cheaper. One trip to the hospital from a disease or infection would pay for several years of various food stuffs. Question: When do we wake up and say something like "OK, buy caviar and some wines and exotic items, but do not buy the basics? We were avoiding many diseases until you started to buy from third world countries."
• Why do some bloggers have 6, 8, 10 or even more websites? I can understand two, mebbe three, but larger numbers? (cuckoo has three, one in Hindi, two in English, a couple of others have two). Where do they get the time? Do they ever go to the dinner table? The bathroom? The mailbox? What happens when they have to stop and clean all the garbage out of their browsers? When do they bath? Open a beer? Read the paper? Surf the web?
• When did America decide to ok slavery again? I'm talking about wages and conditions here. There will be a post about it in the future.
• When did the Federal Bureau of Investigation (filled with CPAs and Attorneys) decide an entertainer, in fact a stage magician, was violating a federal law when he was accused by some woman of raping her? Mebbe I am in Kansas? Or Oz?
• When did we decide it was ok to break the law and suffer no consequences? When did the Bar Association decide that the end justify the means?

I'm looking for some smart answers here. So I'm asking the smartest people I know.